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*Nu știu ce profesie a avut, înainte de a fi numită la șefia TVR, duduia Doina Gradea, dar bănuiesc că a fost bucătăreasă, ceva, judecând după referirile culinare făcute adesea – de pildă când spune despre vreo subalternă că are „cap de porc”. Numai o bucătăreasă, o coafeză sau o spărgătoare de semințe de ocupațiune „fără” ar putea cere unor jurnaliști să-și devoaleze sursele. Căci ia auziți ce declară duduia Gradu, pardon, Gradea, într-un comunicat oficial: „În ultima perioadă, în spațiul public au fost diseminate o serie de informații cu caracter confidențial privind aspecte comerciale din contracte sau convenții încheiate de SRTv cu partenerii săi. Având în vedere faptul că asemenea acțiuni reprezintă o expunere legală pentru SRTv, în considerarea dispozițiilor legale și regulamentare incidente, conducerea televiziunii publice va demara, în regim de urgență, o anchetă administrativă complexă, prin care să identifice persoanele care se fac vinovate de divulgarea informațiilor confidențiale către terți. De asemenea, reprezentanții Televiziunii Române vor notifica publicațiile care au diseminat informații confidențiale, solicitând dezvăluirea surselor, motivat de expunerea legală a SRTv. Totodată, SRTv va demara o acțiune penală in rem privind infracțiuni de serviciu.” Bravos, duamna Gradea, fii bărbată, cum ar fi zis Caragiale, răstoarnă mesele și pune-le pârâcioșilor veioza-n ochi, mama lor de invidioși! Căci numai din invidie, sunt precis, i-au dat în vileag pe marii corifei deontologici ai nației, care iau o târlă de bani de la TVR – adică de la noi, întrucât dătătorii cu gura la teve sunt plătiți de la buget. Ce fraier a fost Nixon ăla, când cu DeepThroatu! Dacă acționa ca dumneata, duduie Doinița, și îi strângea cu ușa, imediat afla cine l-a dat în gât la presă, de l-au forțat pe urmă chiar republicanii lui să demisioneze! Dar vezi, Nixon a fost băbălan, nici măcar n-a îndrăznit să ceară presei să-și devoaleze sursa. Pe când la noi, la Teleormanistan, așa ceva e chiar firesc, n-așa, cucoană? Adică de blamat sunt cei care au anunțat porcăria asta strigătoare la cer, nu cei care papă banii națiunii ca să-l lingă în cur pe Dragnea la TVR1. Ca să fie clar despre cine vorbim, iată și fericiții încasatori, în ordinea numerelor de pe tricou: Ionuț Cristache, zis „Sărmăluță” – 78.298 de euro, Ion Cristoiu (9.570 de euro), Marius Pieleanu (8.097 de euro), Radu Soviani (5.586 de euro), Mircea Dinescu (15.149 de euro) și Cristian Gheorghe (8.774 de euro). Și dacă o să ne întrebe duduia Gradu, pardon, Gradea – dar ce-am, măi, nene? – de unde știm, noi o să ne devaluăm sursele și o să recunoaștem: „Da, doamnă, ne-a șoptit o păsărică toate numele și sumele astea, dar între timp a plecat din țară, că era păsărică migratoare și îi recomandase și ei medicul ornitolog să nu stea în picioare, la Ziua Națională, atâtea ore în frig!”

*Au ăștia din presa quality un talent să facă din țânțar armăsar și din toate rapandulele vedete, ceva de speriat. Ce ziceți, de pildă, de titlul din Adevărul: „Un val de aer polar îngheaţă România. Cât ţine gerul năprasnic şi în ce regiuni va fi prăpăd, unde ninge”. După ce citești așa ceva, nu-ți mai vine să ieși din casă nici să duci gunoiul. Dar dacă ai inspirația să citești și textul, vezi că titlul se referea, probabil, la Siberia, iar articolul la Bărăgan. Pentru că din cifrele prezentate nu reiese că va fi ger „năpraznic” – asta desigur, dacă nu v-ați născut în Mozambic și ieri ați văzut pentru prima oară zăpada, în România. Nici în ce regiuni „va fi prăpăd” nu se specifică, pentru că la minus 7 grade nu prea e rost de prăpăd. De obicei, în minunata noastră țărișoară, prăpădul, dragi scribălăi de la Adevărul, se face de la 40 de grade în sus, iar gradele astea trebuie să fie în pahare, nu în termometre! Așa că mai subțire cu titlurile astea alarmiste, nu de alta, dar iarna adevărată abia de-acum înainte vine, și când or fi afară minus 20 de grade ce-o să mai scrieți, că vine Apocalipsa?

*Dar stați, că în materie de titluri alarmiste n-ați auzit nimic. Cei de la B1 TV dau, pe site-ul lor, următoarea veste: „TRAGEDIE în ROMÂNIA: Adio, ALEXANDRU ARȘINEL! Din păcate a CEDAT! România, în lacrimi”. Și când te-ai fi așteptat, după un asemenea titlu, să citești că pe patriotul Arșinel l-a lăsat și rinichiul ăla primit pe pile, vezi că nici vorbă de așa ceva: maestrul n-a murit de tot, ci doar s-a retras de la șefia teatrului „Constantin Tănase”, deci „Adio!” ăla din titlu la asta se referea. Iar „a cedat” nu făcea trimitere la rinichiul donat, ci la gestul lui Arșinel de a renunța la foncție. Foarte bine, domnu Arșinel, mai odihnește-te și matale, că ai jucat destul teatru. Și în caz că o să ai probleme cu rinichiul vreodată, vezi, vorbește cu Dragnea, că și ăla tot patriot e, ca matale, și el vrea să ne dea afară din UE. Și de obicei, Flaușatul ne scoate doar ficații, dar poate acum face o excepție și ne scoate și rinichii, să ți-i pună matale!

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