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*Au realizatorii de televiziune de la noi un talent de a se face de băcănie invitându-i în direct pe toți mârlanii, ceva de speriat. După ce, acum vreo două săptămâni, Palada venea pus pe smardoială la B1, ieri Codrin Ștefănescu a venit și el nervos, din ședința CPEx al PSD și s-a răfuit cu Ponta la Antena 3. Din fericire pentru realizatoarea Maria Coman, cei doi nu s-au aflat în studio, că sigur ieșea cu palme pe chelie și ochelari sparți. De fapt, Ponta nu a participat deloc la discuție, ori că n-a vrut, ori că n-a fost invitat, fiindcă știți cum e la Antena 3 – execuțiile se fac în contumacie, cel executat nefiind de față. În schimb, Codrin a ținut un adevărat discurs la telefon, începând, evident, cu motivația intervenției lui: ”Mă doare-n cur de ce spune Victor Ponta.” Normal, realizatoarea a rămas șocată și, ca să dreagă busuiocul, a replicat că speră să fi zis ”mă doare-n cot” și n-a înțeles ea bine. Nu, drăguță, ai înțeles prea bine: mă doare-n cur a zis decalotatul, ceea ce probabil chiar e adevărat. Nu de alta, dar în alte organe nu putea zice că-l doare, de vreme ce nu i se vedea niciun bandaj pe cap.

*Ca să le mai distragă românilor atenția de la scumpiri și reduceri de salarii, Evenimentul zilei s-a gândit că ar fi bine să-i îngrijoreze și în alte privințe. De pildă, zicându-le că sunt supravegheați mai ceva ca-n Orwell. Păi ia fiți atenți titlu de antologie aici: ”KOVESI, sora lui Big Brother. Vom fi URMĂRIȚI PESTE TOT și TOT TIMPUL, pe telefoane sau calculatoare. Ce le pregătește DNA românilor”. Ei, este că e tare? Carevasăzică, Luluța nu mai e „adevărata fiică a Binomului”, ci i s-au găsit rubedenii noi, și anume Marele Frate. Cel care face aceste acuzații, prin intermediul ziarului, este nimeni altul decât Mugurel Ciuvică, liderul Grupului de Investigații Politice. Considerând, probabil, că, de când a schimbat ziarul macazul și îi pupă în cur pe penali, și cititorii au devenit oligofreni și nu știu nimic pe partea tehnică, gurnaliștii îi citează copios pe ciuvici. I-auziți aici aberații:  ”Nu are nicio importanță dacă datele de pe calculatorul tău au fost șterse. DNA le va recupera. Iar când nu folosim calculatorul de acasă, DNA ne va localiza cu ajutorul GPS-ului din telefon, chiar dacă telefoanele nu sunt conectate la rețea.” Bă-băieți, cu sperieturi din astea să mergeți la ăia din fundul stânii sau la ministrul Pop, că poate vă cred. Orice om care a deschis în viața lui măcar un tutorial de mobil știe că nu s-a inventat încă softul care să depisteze locația precisă unde se află un telefon deconectat de la rețea sau cu cartela scoasă. Cel mult poate să-ți semnaleze ultima locație unde era conectat, ceea ce. eufemistic vorbind, e fix pendula. Dar la idioții care cred că în DNA sunt un fel de alieni d-ăia din Matrix, care-ți lipesc gura dacă nu ești cuminte, ține orice. Oricum, un lucru n-am aflat de la Ciuvică-o-are-mică (inteligența, normal): ne-a zis cine e frac-so (Big Brother), ne-a zis cine-i tac-so (Binomul), dar cine-i mă-sa nu ne spui, băi, Mugurele?

*Dacă e un lucru la care scribălăii din presa românească excelează, acel lucru e, cu siguranță, batjocorirea oricăror norme jurnalistice. Să luăm, de pildă, titlurile. Titlul unui articol, conform manualului, ar trebui să-i spună cititorului esența informației din text, cu subiect și predicat. Numai la noi nu-ți spune nimic, de zici că nu mai e presă, e enigmistică sau „Știi și câștigi”. De pildă, iată ce titlu dă Cancan: ”Doliu în PNL! Liderul politic a murit în urma unui infarct!” Până și Vanghelie, Gigi Becali și alți certați cu gramatica vor înțelege de aici, că Orban e deja pe năsălie, căci nu e el liderul politic al partidului? Ei bine, nu, pentru că hienele de la Cancan au scris deliberat ”liderul”, articulat, în loc de ”un lider PNL din Olt”, ca să stea miticii liberali cu curul strâns că a dat Orban colțul. O măgărie similară am găsit și pe realitatea.net: ”Președintele unui stat din Europa a leșinat în baie și a căzut foarte rău”. Țin să fie, țin să fie? Mister total. Evident că, la știrea asta, românii verzi care nu-l suferă pe ”Mutălău” au intrat deja în fibrilații de bucurie, în vreme ce ăia care mai speră ceva de la Iohannis au intrat și ei în fibrilații, dar  de frică. Și unii, și alții pot să stea liniștiți: președintele căzut în baie nu e al nostru, e al Islandei. La faze din astea, nu poți ști sigur despre cine e vorba decât dacă jurnaliștii ar titra: ”Un premier din Europa s-a îmbătat de bucurie și a dat cu capul de chiuvetă, într-un local de lângă sediul central al Partidului.”

 

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