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*Dacă pe vremea „regimului de tristă amintire al lui Băsescu Traian”, cum ar zice Dom Profesor Voiculescu, ar fi îndrăznit careva de la Antena 3, ori prezentator, ori invitat, să insinueze măcar că Alina Bica e fată de treabă, nu o slugă ticăloasă a „dictachiorului” și prietena Udrei de tocat bani din salariile și pensiile reduse ale bugetarilor, probabil ar fi fost linșat în secunda doi și nu-l mai invita nimeni la altă emisiune (de altfel, dacă vă aduceți aminte, cam așa a pățit, dar din alte motive, profesorul Valentin Stan, ăla cu „domnuuuu’ Gâdea”). Seară de seară Alina Bica era mânjită cu noroi, tăvălită prin rahat și împroșcată cu flegme de corul de suflători și lătrători de la Antene. Pentru ca acum, când Alinuța a dat bir cu fugiții și trăiește de luni bune în Costa Rica, să-i plângă toți de milă, de la Gâdea la Ciuvică, tot seară de seară. Păi da, fiindcă e destul de greu chiar și pentru niște maeștri ai manipulări, precum vuvuzeii lui Felix, ca după ce ani de zile le-au insuflat cretineților care se uită la ei ideea că „Bica – bad”, „Udrea – bad”, „Ponta – good”, acum să o ia invers și să le spună că, de fapt, Bica și Udrea sunt victime nevinovate ale statului paralel, iar Ponta e un ticălos care făcea parte din statul paralel, dar nu s-au prins ei la timp! De altfel, Gâdea și-a luat aseară moaca aia de cotoi prins cu botul la smântână și a recunoscut, spăsit, că până și el a fost indus în eroare și a crezut-o pe Alina Bica o javră ordinară, băsistă, când de fapt femeia era complet nevinovată – iar judecătorii au decis să o achite într-un proces, în primă instanță. De celălalt proces, în care Alinuța a fost condamnată definitiv, Răspopitul n-a suflat o vorbuliță, păi ce, voiați să strice vraja la șoșonari, că abia începuse să-i convingă pe ăia că pretenara udrei e o victimă a abuzurilor politice! În timpul ăsta, Mircea Badea făcea glumițele care l-au consacrat – adică tot din alea de șantier patriotic al tineretului din anii 80.  Văzând pe ecran o fotografie cu Udrea gravidă în șase luni, alături de iubitul mai tinerel, care se dădea cu placa de surfing, Badea a ciripit: „Doamna este Udrea? Iubitul are placă? Credeam că este tânăr. A, am înțeles, asta e placa de surf. Înseamnă că pe asta nu și-o pune într-un pahar cu apă pe noptieră atunci când se culcă. Asta o făcea Băsescu”. Vai, ce ne-am mai râs, Mircică, ce subtil ai fost, ce jocuri de cuvinte inteligente ai în tine – aceleași pentru care te-au dat afară de la grădi, dar pe urmă te-au primit la loc, să nu rămâi și prost, și neșcolarizat! În locul tău, băiețaș, aș fi totuși mai atent cu flegmele astea cu boltă, către Costa Rica, nu de alta, dar altă damă de acolo, Bica, tocmai a fost „reconsiderată” de domnul Voiculescu și e acum strașnic pupată în cur de colegii tăi. Așa că mai subțire cu jignirile la Udrea, că mâine-poimâine se decide că e și ea victimă a regimului securistic și parcă văd că o să fii nevoit să-ți scoți toți dinții și să-ți pui pe urmă și placa de schimb în pahar, nu care cumva, atunci când o pupi, să-ți vină să o și muști de cur, din obișnuință.

*Dacă vă era dor de o mostră de gurnalism mioritic cum numai negrișorii lui Ioșka Bubble de la stiripesurse.ro știu să presteze, ia priviți aici titlu: „Ce făcea Kovesi în timp ce în Parlament se modifica abuzul în serviciu. A fost fotografiată la mii de kilometri depărtate (FOTO)”. Ce înțelegem noi din acest titlu semnat de marele gurnalist Florinel Pușcaș? Că, în vreme ce ciordacii, nicolicii și alți limacși de-ai lui Dragnea masacrau Codul Penal, pe Codruța o durea la bașcheți (știți că ea joacă baschet) și umbla teleleu, la mii de kilometri depărtare. O asemenea știre ar umple de nervi nu doar spălații pe creier, care-o văd pe Codruța și-n ceașca de ceai, amenințându-i că îi ascultă prin tubul catodic, ci și pe #rezistenți, care normal că s-ar gândi „bine, frate, eu strig în fiecare zi în Piața Victoriei pentru statul de drept, contra hoților, scandez DNA să vină să vă ea, iar DNA umblă brambura?” Că normal, când citești titlul ăsta cu „mii de kilometri depărtare”, primul gând te duce la Madagascar, la Costa Rica, la Brazilica, la destinații de-astea care s-au umplut de români în ultima vreme. Pentru ca, ajuns la articol, să-ți dai seama că șefa DNA nu umbla deloc teleleu, ci se afla în interes de serviciu în Tunisia, unde semna un acord de colaborare cu DNA-ul lor, mai tânăr și mai fără experiență, România fiind privită, aflăm din același articol, ca una dintre cele mai bune cinci state din UE în lupta anti-corupție. Măi Ioșka, tu-i vezi pe negrișorii de pe plantația știri pe scurse ce nasoale dau? Asta e presă, tovarăși? Una zici în titlu, să indignezi boborul, și alta povestești în text? În locul tău, Bubble, eu aș citi  bine atent tot ce scrie musul ăsta de Pușcaș înainte să-l las să publice. Nu de alta, dar riști într-o zi, când s-o duce Codruța la Roma, să stea de vorbă cu procurorii anti-mafia, că a plecat, de fapt, să-l aresteze pe Papa, pentru cina aia neplătită de Iisus, acum două mii de ani!

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