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*Ce faci, ca gurnalist, când toată țara vuiește că Dragnea – mă rog, degetul mic, cu unghie lăsată mare, al lui Dragnea, pe nume Dăncilă – dă ordonanță și scapă toți pușcăriabilii de pușcărie? Ce să faci? Atragi atenția gorobeților clătiți pe creier în altă parte, cam ca băiatul ăla cu bicicleta zburătoare din filmul „Roșcovanul”. Le zici: „Lăsați-l pe Dragnea, care tocmai transformă România în Fărădelegia, dar ia uitați-vă în partea astalaltă, la madam nevasta lui Werner ce face, că n-a vrut să se prezinte la Parchet!” Cam așa a procedat și celebra investigatoare Sorina Matei, care, deși nu suflă un cuvințel despre penalii care vor să dea lovitura de grație justiției, e foarte preocupată, în schimb, de Carmen Iohannis. Limbajul ei o caracterizează: „Mimoza genuncheată minijupe n-a vrut să se ducă nici a doua oară la Parchet doar pentru că e coană de Preşedinte. Iar soţu’, doar pentru că e vremelnic preşedintele României, face pe Judecătorul, Procurorul, Şefu’ la bani, Împăratul Secu’, chiar Legea, Zeus şi chiar deasupra tuturor celor lumeşti. L’etat c’est moi, vorba lui Ludovic al XIV-lea. De atunci, toţi când ajung pe funcţii aşa se comportă. Io zic ca nimeni să nu se mai prezinte în faţa niciunui organ, să nu mai plătească taxele, să nu mai respecte legea, până când preşedintele şi mimoza sa nu le respectă. Dacă familia prezidenţială nu respectă legea, de ce ar face-o cetăţenii, ce, ei sunt mai proşti? Nu, nu cred că sunt. În plus, cetăţenii l-au pus în funcţie, ei îi dau salariul, ei îi plătesc confortul din buzunarele lor. Şi tot ei îl pot da jos. Deci cetăţenii sunt decidenţii, nu el. El şi mimoza sunt doar slujbaşii noştri, noi îi plătim, noi îl punem pe funcţie prin vot, noi îl dăm jos de pe funcţie prin vot, noi decidem.” Aoleo, Sonerio, dar ce-ai, maică, ai băut fără sifon? A fost șprițul cu șpeis, ce ești așa de pornită? Ești invidioasă că „genuncheata” are picioare mai frumoase, invidioaso mică? Da, Carmen Iohannis nu s-a prezentat la Parchet, dar să-ți amintesc câți șmecheri, din ăia pe care i-ai apărat tu, pe vremea lui Băsescu și îi cauționezi și azi, pe vremea lui Dragnea&Tări, și-au amânat judecățile pentru motive de-a dreptul puerile? Nu te-am auzit așa de vocală, draga mea, atunci când Dragnea, Bombonica și ceilalți din dosarul angajărilor fictive, îi convingeau pe judecători să mai amâne nițel procesul, că nu-și terminaseră ei, în calitate de inculpați, de formulat concluziile. Unde erai, Sorinico, atunci, să zici ceva și de mimozele lui Livache? Și nu-mi place, zău, îndemnul ăsta al tău: „io zic ca nimeni să nu se mai prezinte în faţa niciunui organ”. Asta nu e o soluție, ci dimpotrivă: cunosc o mulțime de jurnalizde nefe, care dau impresia că nu scriu cu cerneală, ci cu hormoni, și care chiar ar fi cazul să se mai prezinte și ele în fața unui organ, din când în când, că poate s-or mai calma. Bine, persoanele de față se exclud, Soneria mea zgubilitică…

*Și, dacă e vorba de dat cu flegme în oricine se numește Iohannis, fie el și portar la hotel, Ion Cristoiu e nelipsit. Invitat la Antena 3 să le ia fața fraierilor de la alba-neagra organizată de Daddy Cariatul cu justiția, celebrul clocitor de pui vii a declarat, în legătură cu absența lui Carmen Iohannis de la Parchet: „Este un aranjament care a fost făcut înainte ca domnul Lazăr să vină la Parchet. E un dosar de mare interes public. A intrat în secretomania de tip securistic. Eram aproape sigur că doamna Carmen Iohannis nu va veni la Parchetul General. Klaus Iohannis nu acceptă că soția sa merge la Parchet.” Nea Ioane, de-atâta scris despre galinacee, ai dat în orbul găinilor! La fel ca și pe Sorina, nici pe tălică nu te-am văzut s-o bagi pe asta cu „secretomania de tip securistic” când a fost vorba de Dragnea, Tăriceanu și alți corifei ai „luptei românilor persecutați pe nedrept.” Fiindcă și ăia au făcut o grămadă de mișmașuri să scape de răspunderea în fața legii. În loc să te întrebi, nene Tristoiule, de ce nu vine Carmen Iohannis la Parchet, mai bine te-ai întreba de ce-și schimbă Dragnea completurile așa de des și tot nu e mulțumit, acum vrea să schimbe și legile și să dea un jet cu boltă pe Constituție. A, pardon, uitasem, nu ai voie să pui asemenea întrebări! Că, dacă începi să le pui, încep și băbălanii care te văd la televizor să gândească singuri și, decât să-i bagi în maxime carteziene, cu „Dubito, ergo cogito”, mai bine îi lași să fie cum i-ați făcut voi, tu, Gâdea și ceilalți ciuvici: „Non cogito, ergo dobitoco”.

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