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*Rămas în ordonanța goală, după ce Slugărel a dat bir cu fugiții, iar Veorica i-a mărturisit că ea e femeie, deci n-are ordonanță, cum avea Grindeanu, care era bărbat, Liviu Dragnea a venit la România TV, să mai primească un masaj de relaxare din partea gudureilor lui Ghiță și să dea și el un mesaj de relaxare pensionarilor votanți. Duduița prezentatoare nu l-a inoportunat cu nicio întrebare dificilă, ci doar a asistat, extaziată, la demonstrațiile făcute de Daddy, care, ca să fie și mai elocvent, a cerut o tablă și-a umplut-o de cifre. Nu știu de ce am avut impresia, văzând acea polologhie de numere, formule și procente înșirate, că tocmai asist la o alba-neagra în direct, în care un escroc cu mustață explica fazanilor: „Asta are, asta n-are, crește punctul de pensie, că suntem la guvernare, mai dăm și un spor, vedeți, e aici? Ei, îl punem la loc, învârtim foaia, iarăși asta are, asta n-are, ziceți, unde-i pensia cea mare?” Ca la orice alba-neagră, pensia cea mare nu e nicăieri, ați pierdut banii, fraierilor, deși erați sigur că o să câștigați. De ce i-ați pierdut? Simplu, fiindcă n-ați pus la socoteală inflația, șoșonarilor! Bingo! Deși mi s-a părut mai calm ca în săptămânile trecute, ori că l-o fi asigurat Tăriceanu că-l scapă de pârnaie, ori că i-o mai fi calmat piți Irinuca hormonii, ori că o fi fumat ceva de calitate și-și petrece vara nu în Fortaleza, ci direct în Nirvana, Dragnea a avut totuși câteva ieșiri, la care moderatoarea n-a zis nici pâs, deși era cazul să intervină. De pildă, atunci când Livinho a intrat în faza de delirium tremens: „Începând cu 2021, când pensionarii or să aibă o pensie sănătoasă, când salariaţii or să aibă salarii mari, când firmele or să o ducă bine, când fermierii or să primească în fiecare an subvenţiile, atunci românii vor fi mai fericiţi. Asta înseamnă că va fi un popor mai greu de manipulat şi un popor în care mai greu se însămânţează această sămânţă a urii. Este principalul motiv pentru care ăştia nu ne mai vor.” Ei, la faza asta prezentatoarea, dacă era jurnalistă și nu doar o simplă fată-n casă la Ghiță, ar fi trebuit să-i spună: „Bine, băi, Hamstere, adică tu ești toată ziua în gură cu șobolanii și veninoșii care trebuie stârpiți, tu latri mereu că „haștagiștii”, „cioloșiștii” și „useriștii” sunt niște suboameni nedemni de numele de români și mai ai tupeul să-i acuzi pe alții că însămânțează ura?” Evident, duduia n-a spus nimic – dar mă gândesc totuși că are circumstanțe atenuante: o fi auzit și ea că pe „băieții veseli” care delirează sau vorbesc în somn nu e bine să-i trezești, că riscă să crape și e păcat de patul ăla de la Jilava să rămână neocupat…

*Pe lângă jurnaliste mute ca lebăda, mai avem în peisajul media și jurnaliști care vorbesc atât de mult că riscă să devină din jurnaliști – păreriști. La Realitatea TV a fost o emisiune cu marii deontologi în viu Hoandră și Gușă, acești Jekyll și Hyde ai presei mioritice, care și-au adus aminte ce bine le era lor pe timpul PDL-ului, așa că au ținut să demonstreze că „Orban – bad/Blaga – good”. Și cum poți să-l umpli pe Orban de flegme fără să-l scuipi propriu-zis, că de scuipat doar mitocanii de la Antena 3 scuipă? Simplu: organizezi un sondaj de opinie printre „telespectatori”. Ei, așa au făcut și cei doi hoandrălăi și în urma sondajului a reieșit că PNL n-a fost niciodată condus mai prost decât atunci când lideri au fost Orban, respectiv Tăriceanu, în schimb a fost condus grozav de cuplul de mare taină Blaga-Alinuța Gorghiu. Bre, pe cine ați făcut sondajul ăla, pe pesediști? Că numai ăia ar mai vrea să revină Alinuța la conducerea PNL și să se mai facă o dată de râs cu sendvișelu, cu copiatul lucrării, cu infantilisme din astea ieftine. Oricum, mie emisiunea numai jurnalism nu mi s-a părut c-a fost, ci mai curând un șăntăjel discret la adresa conducerii PNL. Sau un fel de bătut șaua să priceapă Orban și să mai dea niște locuri la europarlamentare și foștilor pedeliști, că dacă nu mai papă, săracii, hălci din buget la guvernare, ca pe vremurile înfloritoare ale lui Băse&Nuți=Love, să consume și ei măcar un desert de câteva mii de euroi pe lună la Bruxelles, no?

*Singurul post unde nu se discută despre mizerii mărunte, cotidiene, ci se privește cu încredere către viitor este Antena 3. Aici, vuvuzeii și-au dat cu presupusa despre viitoarele alegeri prezidențiale, iar un domn analist pe nume Alex Coita sau Coită sau Coiță – nu știu precis, că mereu e scris fără diacritice – și-a exprimat opinia că în PSD e nevoie de un „reset”: „Eu m-aș bucura să fie un candidat comun, astfel cred că ar face bine politicii românești, ar mai consolida puțin această tendință. Iar dacă va fi un candidat comun rămâne de de văzut dacă domnul Tăriceanu sau Liviu Dragnea sau dacă PSD va veni cu o figură nouă. Poate, cine știe, domnul Dragnea va decide că e bine să pună forța partidului în spatele lui Liviu Pleșoianu care este un personaj tânăr, are altfel de imagine și poate fi un reset interesant pentru Partidul Social Democrat și pentru Coaliție. Deci sunt foarte multe variante și de aceea spuneam că este fascinant să privim încă se acum ce se va putea întâmpla la prezidențialele de anul viitor”, a precizat distinsul analist. Bre Coițe, pardon, Coiță sau Coită sau cum te-o chema, să știi că ai mare dreptate. Cred că abia așteaptă electoratul pesedist, compus, precum știm, numai din hipioți de tradiție, din metaliști și fani Metallica, să voteze așa mândrețe de plete! Problema e însă că Pleșoianu e atât de valoros încât fii atent ce-ți spun: sigur o să-i însceneze reptilienii de pe Andromeda niște scandaluri, dacă nu cumva o să-l răpească mai întâi șerpilienii din fundul Pământului la bordul unui OZN, ca să-i arate fundul!

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