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*În timp ce Dragnea e plecat încă pe meleaguri exotice și nu știe, probabil, dacă să rămână la căldura de-acolo sau se întoarcă la răcoarea care-l așteaptă aici, guvernul Tudose își vede de treabă. Muncesc oamenii ăștia de rup: când îi vezi, sunt la televizor și dau din gură până transpiră sub limbă. Zău că de multă vreme n-am mai avut un așa guvern harnic! Dacă nu e dată pe sticlă Olguța, e Fifor, dacă nu e Fifor, e ăla de la Turism sau PLM, talentatul de la Educație. Aseară, bunăoară, deși era duminică și chiar și Dumnezeu se odihnea, miniștrii tot munceau, bieții de ei. Pe RTV, Țuțuianu, de la Apărare, se străduia din greu să ne explice cum se vor rezolva problemele pensiilor speciale, pe principiul „care a putut, a luat, dar de-acuma nu se mai poate, țeapă, fraierilor”. La Antena 3, la emisiunea ”Subiectiv” a lui Răzvan Dumitrescu, a muncit chiar premierul. Tot românul era la mici, la grătar, la o bere sau un șpriț de vară, numai domnul Două-Doze era treaz, sobru și muncea  cu gura. Bine, nu vă imaginați acum că moderatorul  i-ar fi adresat vreo întrebare menită să-l pună în dificultate, nici vorbă de așa ceva: în buna tradiție antenistă, emisiunea a fost tot o limbă lungă, jenantă, pentru a arăta cât de mult se străduiește guvernul pentru noi și ce bine o ducem, de fapt, dar noi suntem proști și nu știm. Concluzia emisiunii a fost că în România se trăiește ca-n sânul lui Avraam și românii o să trăiască încă și mai bine, de la 1 ianuarie 2018. Bine, ăia care o să mai trăiască până  atunci…

*Și, pe când Antena 3 ridică în slăvi animalele politice, surata ei, Antena 1, scrie despre altfel de copitate. Dar nu pe față, așa, ci cu indicii menite a stârni curiozitatea cititorului. Ce fel de indicii? Păi ia priviți la titlul ăsta: ”BOMBĂ! E oficial! Cristian Pomohaci și-a găsit alinarea alături de…. Toți au rămas șocați!” Ei, este că v-a prins? Este că abia așteptați să dați click pe titlu și să vedeți cu cine naiba s-o mai fi alinat nenea pedofilu? Ca să vă țin și mai mult în suspans, pun și eu paie pe foc, na: e minor, adică are doar câțiva ani, are părul numai zulufi și e total inocent, deși, de când îl alină pe părintele Pomohaci i-au crescut niște cornițe… Este că tot nu v-ați dat seama despre cine e vorba? Ei, hai să vă spun, să nu muriți curioși: este vorba despre un berbecuț, din turma pe care popa Popo o crește când nu cântă, nu ține slujbe și nu bagă pe nimeni sub patrafir. Păi nu v-am zis că e minor? Doar nu voiați să-și găsească alinarea alături de vreun berbec bătrân și cu lâna roasă? Oricum, dincolo de umorul involuntar al gurnaliștilor care dau știrea, merită remarcat devotamentul lui Pomohaci pentru oițe: i le-a luat Biserica, în urma scandalului declanșat, pe alea din parohie, nu-i nimic, își ia el altele, de la stână, oi să fie! Și dacă i se rătăcește vreuna, pe munte, știți cum o găsește până la urmă Pomohaci, nu? Acceptabilă, normal!

*În vreme ce alte surse media scriu despre lucruri cât de cât recente, Realitatea încearcă să-și atragă cititorii cu noutăți de pe vremea lui Pazvante. Astfel, cu aerul unora care au descoperit apa caldă și efectul fotovoltaic, ei scriu pe site-ul propriu și personal un articolaș despre cel mai adânc foraj din lume, început de ruși prin 1970 și terminat prin 1990. Bine, nu se mulțumesc să prezinte asta drept o noutate absolută și dată în exclusivitate pe Realitatea, ci, ca să fie siguri că agață destui fazani la clickbait, bagă și un titlu de mare angajament: ”Ruşii au săpat adânc în pământ, 12 km. Şoc ce au găsit în gaură. Îi aştepta de 2,5 miliarde ani!” Ce v-am zis? Șoc! Nimeni nu poate rezista să afle ce or fi găsit rușii în gaură. Aur? Diamante? Icre negre? O altă gaură? Doi chinezi mici, care săpaseră din partea cealaltă? Nooo, nimic din toate astea, ci doar niște roci prăfuite, vechi de 2,5 miliarde de ani, care cred că se și plictisiseră acolo, zicându-și: ”Bă, dar putori sunt rușii ăștia! Îi mai așteptăm mult să sape ca să ajungă la noi, că acușica împlinim 3 de miliarde de ani și ăștia tot nu mai vin, bețivii dracului!” Acuma, ziceți și voi, cât ghinion pe ruși: să sapi atâția kilometri și să dai de piatră seacă. Nu puteau să găsească acolo un zăcământ de votcă sau măcar unul de rachiu de pufoaică, să le asigure independența energetică pe încă vreo două miliarde de ani?

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