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*V-ați întrebat vreodată de ce are Liviu Dragnea mai puține procente în sondaje chiar și decât numărul de centimetri… de piele de pe obraz, el fiind renumit pentru șoricul deosebit de fin? Unii ar fi înclinați să creadă că acest lucru se datorează faptului că Dragnea e un ticălos fără pereche, care fură de la copiii săraci ca să plimbe o copilă și mai sărăcuță (cu duhul) prin țări exotice. Alții, ca de pildă jurnalistul și analistul Bogdan Chirieac sunt convinși că procentele sunt așa de puține fiindcă oamenii care l-ar vota pe Dragnea sunt foarte numeroși, doar că le e frică să se exprime: „Există o spirală a tăcerii. Dragnea este extrem de demonizat și atunci când întrebi omul, el nu recunoaște că votează Dragnea. Încă îi e frică de statul subteran în țara asta! Și atunci omul spune că votează Tăriceanu”, susține Morsa Competentă. V-ați prins? Deci în realitate Liviu Dragnea are milioane de susținători ascunși, care stau ca masonii, în adormire, și doar la alegeri ies și pac! – pun ștampila pe el. În condițiile astea, n-are niciun rost, sugerează Chirieac, ca Tăriceanu să fie candidat unic al grupului infracțional organizat aflat la guvernare, deoarece e limpede că Dragnea va lua sigur mai multe voturi decât el. De unde știe Chirieac asta? Nu cred că i-or fi șoptit Mama Omida sau Baba Vanga, prin șpirikismus, vorba lui Caragiale, ci mai curând bănuiesc că a discutat el, personal, cu milioane de români, pe sub plapumă, normal, să nu-i audă „statul paralel”, și s-a convins că românii pe Dragnea îl vor, dar le e jenă să recunoască. Vezi, bre, Tăricene, dacă ești chitros? Ce te costa, când erai premier, să-i dai și lu jupân Chirieac  niște bănișori, acolo, cum îi dă mărinimosul de Dragnea? Acum, poftim, ai avut și tu un vis de glorie și se alege praful de el, ți-l risipesc tocmai trompetele care ridică îndeobște în slăvi PSD-ALDE. De fapt, povestea e mult mai complicată decât pare: așteptați-vă, de acum înainte, să auziți tot mai des că Dragnea e iubit de români, dar aceștia „nu se arată”. Pentru că, în condițiile în care completul ales pe sprânceană îl va achita, iar ordonanțele Veoricăi îi vor albi de tot cazierul, Dragnea va deveni candidatul PSD la prezidențiale. PSD va fura masiv voturi, pentru a-l trimite la Cotroceni, iar distinși analiști, ca musiu Chirieac, vor tâmbița: „Ei, nu v-am spus? Pe Dragnea îl voiau românii președinte, doar că le era teamă să nu-i creadă și pe ei lumea hoți și au anunțat că-l votează pe Iohannis!”

*Din categoria „Laudă-mă gură, că-ți dau prăjitură” face parte și articolul publicat de Alina Mungiu Pippidi în Adevărul. Intitulat „Amnistia se discută, dar nu se dă”, editorialul doamnei Pippidi pare o veritabilă odă pentru Veorica. Premierița noastră cu penurie de neuroni e ridicată în slăvi de zici că e cel puțin Joiana d Arc de România: „Pare greu de crezut, dar ce desparte PSD de dezastrul total la alegerile viitoare este Viorica Dăncilă, o contra eroină de Teleorman dacă vreodată a fost una, a cărei poveste va fi citită pe viitor în toate coafoarele de provincie în reviste glossy, de la povestea coafurii de Teleorman la preşedinţia Consiliului UE.” Prin urmare, noroc cu doamna Dăncilă, că altfel ajungea PSD-ul partid istoric, pornind pe urmele răposatului PNȚ! Ea ce-l mai ține în viață, făcându-i respirație bușon la bușon și devastând Europa cu declarațiile ei încântătoare din punct de vedere gramatical. Mă mir cum de Partidul nu s-a gândit până acum să-i facă și o statuie doamnei cu pavianul pe cap, singura care ține în frâu ordonanța, împiedicând distrugerea PSD. Căci o ordonanță, zice doamna Pippidi, deși l-ar scăpa pe Dragnea de pușcărie, ar fi „decontată electoral major de către PSD, care în loc să ia lauri că s-au creat pe bune vreo două sute de mii de locuri de muncă din creşterea lor economică şi sunt şanse să iasă bugetul de pensii din deficit, preferă să piardă alegerile.” Alo, doamnă, ce-ai consumat? Sigur nu te-ai intoxicat cu ceva? Unde sunt alea două sute de mii de locuri de muncă pe care Partidul le-a creat pentru români? În Italia, Spania sau Germania? Și la care creștere economică te referi, stimată doamnă, la cea colorată pe hârtie de Vâlcov? Păi aia nu există în realitate, chiar mai crezi în desenele cu unicorni făcute de șarlatanul de Vâlcov? Înțeleg că îți e simpatică Veorica, și mie-mi este uneori, când pocește limba română, dar nu mai scrie, scumpă doamnă Pippidi că Vasilica va salva PSD-ul și România. Dacă ar vrea cu adevărat să o salveze, și-ar da, naibii, demisia, și l-ar lăsa pe Dragnea în majoritatea goală, fără ordonanță, fără amnistie, fără nimic! Așa că, în loc să o căinezi pe Dăncilă că dușmanii-i poartă pică fiindcă n-are nicio frică, mai bine i-ai scrie demisia și i-ai da să o semneze. Și s-o semneze cu degetul mare, nu cu ăla mijlociu, să spună Dragnea că e la mișto!

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