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"dan andronic evz"*Nervos nevoie mare că, tocmai când se credeau toți penalii din România scăpați de Kovesi, Kovesi ar putea să reapară, ca o Nemesis, și mai puternică, la Bruxelles, tovarășul Dan Andronic publică, în ziarul de Partid și de stat Evenimentul zilei, un editorial demascator, pentru care Silviu Brucan l-ar fi invidiat cu siguranță. Intitulat CAZUL KOVESI ȘI TERAPIA CĂTUȘELOR. Avem dovada „Experimentului România”, articolul este, de fapt, o înșiruire de supoziții și păreri, lansate pe principiul „dacă și cu parcă.” Oricum, adepții teoriei conspirației cred că vor avea orgasme vizuale citind cearșaful ăsta de material, care îmbină atâtea comploturi imaginare cum de la „Protocoalele Sionului” n-am văzut. „Cred – scrie autorul – că de-abia acum avem dovada că în România s-a desfășurat un experiment unic. Un experiment de inginerie socială, având constructorii în afara țării, dar subcontractanții autohtoni, în care cuvântul-cheie era frica.” Ați înțeles, da? Agenturilii străine, care vor să ne fure țărișoara și bagă frica în românul verde, prin intermediul cozilor lor de topor! Bravo, Dănuțe, te pupă taica Pingelică, și el a susținut mereu asta înainte să-l umple românul verde Ion Iliescu de plumb. Mai departe, pentru că simțea nevoia unui nume greu, care să-i certifice bazaconiile, Andronic precizează: „Un plan din care Binomul Coldea-Kovesi nu a avut decât de câștigat. Atât în plan material, Florian Coldea fiind un om foarte bogat, LCK mai puțin, cât și în planul protecției personale. Mirel Curea spunea că cei doi au primit, în cadrul unei ceremonii secrete, cetățenie americană, având astfel imunitate.” Dovezi, ceva, că are Codruța cetățenia americană, nenea Andronic? Ai fost la ambasada SUA, să te interesezi de asta, cum ar fi făcut un jurnalist onest? Sau arunci rahat în ventilator, la modul „lasă, bă, că sigur găsesc fraieri care să creadă și faza cu cetățenia”? Și cum adică, bosulică, vine asta cu „ceremonia secretă”? Dar ce, au făcut-o americanii cetățeană sau francmasoană pe Codruța, că numai la francmasoni e cu ritualuri secrete?

Ei, și după ce ne bagă nițel placa asta cu dujmanii străinezi care poartă pică țărișoarei noastre și vor s-o acapareze, Andronic trece la punctul doi – de ce anume n-ar trebui să fie Laura Kovesi procuror european: nu știe engleză, are doctoratul plagiat, are o mulțime de „achitări spectaculoase”, nu s-a prezentat în fața Parlamentului, a sfidat CCR, a stat la masă cu politicieni dubioși, ca Ponta  sau Dragnea, ba chiar a cântat cu Sebastian Ghiță prin crame! Plus că a fost înlocuită de Iohannis, deci clar nu mai e bună de nimic, „nu se califică nici măcar pentru un post de procuror de provincie” Și atunci, de ce e așa de bine văzută Kovesi în Europa? Deoarece, ne încredințează tainic Andronic, ea face parte dintr-un experiment social la scară națională, „în care Terapia Cătușelor trebuia să vindece tot, făcând loc pentru multinaționale și politicianului de tip nou, șantajabil și cu doctorat falsificat.” Așa zi, bre, multinaționale, n-o mai spuneai odată? Multinaționalele, Soroș și statul paralel! Scrie Dănuțule, scrie asta, ca loazele la tablă, de o sută de ori, până le intră în cap tuturor bizonilor de votanți PSD! Dar niște dovezi, ceva, aduci și matale? Niște surse credibile ai, ca să justifice tot ce scrii? Că pe afirmații de genul „mi-a spus un prieten”, ”Mirel Curea a scris că…”, „așa cum am mai arătat..” nu poți susține un articol de presă, băi, ziarică. Ai vreo dovadă că tot ce-ai înșirat acolo s-a întâmplat? Ai pe dracu! Ia dă o căutare pe Internet și ai să vezi prezentări ținute de Kovesi la conferințe internaționale, într-o engleză care, pe lângă cea a lui Dăncilă, Olguța și restul clasei de repetenți la limbi străine, pare de Oxford. Și unde e plagiatul, că toate comitetele și comițiile care au analizat teza lui Kovesi n-au ajuns la concluzia că ar fi plagiată? Da, Codruța s-a întâlnit și cu Ponta, și cu Dragnea, pentru că Ponta și Dragnea au fost sau mai sunt liderii PSD. E vina ei că șefii celui mai mare partid politic din România sunt niște găinari sau niște infractori de drept comun? Nu, e vina PSD-ului, că i-a ținut și-i ține în frunte – că poate ar fi vrut fata să se întâlnească și să discute cu un Liiceanu, cu un Pleșu, cu un Patapievici, dar dacă ăștia nu intră în politică? Cât despre cheful din cramă cu Ghiță, chiar nu te-ai săturat să fii penibil, Dănuțule? Ai văzut tu poze de la cramă? Arată-ni-le și nouă sau măcar zi-i lui nento Cristoiu să le deseneze, să avem și noi măcar idee cum erau! Că așa pot zice și eu că te-am pozat în pădurea Băneasa, cu Tăriceanu și Paulică Alromâniei, când scrijeleai pe copaci „I LOVE NUTZI”, dar nu arăt poza, fiindcă era fotografiatul interzis și mi-e târșă să nu iau amendă!

*Aseară, tot butonând televizorul, am ajuns pe Antena 3, dar am avut impresia că sunt ori pe Animal Planet, ori pe National Geographic. Pentru că  de ce? Pentru că o bandă de bipezi atacau o victimă sigură, după cele mai precise reguli ale unei haite de lupi. În caz că nu ați înțeles – haita erau măciucarii lui Felix, iar victima era madam Firea. Care a ținut să intre în direct în emisiune și să le zică ălora vreo două. „Eu trebuie să mă apăr singură, nu am nici analiști prieteni care să mă sprijine, nici comunicatori pe care să îi trimit la televizor”, i-a înțepat Zâna Pandeluță pe trepăduși, iar Ciuvică, vizat, s-a opărit imediat: „Cum nu vă susține nimeni? Vă susțin Gigi Becali și Bădulescu, ăla de se mai bate pe la Primăria Capitalei. Aveți susținători!” Firea n-a apreciat ironia, dar a lăsat de la ea: „Întotdeauna cu o persoană prefer să păstrez amintirile frumoase, așa că voi șterge din memorie lucrurile pe care le spuneți despre mine în ultima perioadă. Am înțeles că ați zic să sunt a cincea roată la căruță.” Ciuvică s-a simțit dator să precizeze: „Ba nu, sunteți chiar a cincisprezecea!” Imediat, a preluat hăituirea Chirieac, care a întrebat-o, la mișto, dacă mai bagă vouchere pentru biciclete anul ăsta. „Chiar dacă priviți cu ironie unele proiecte ale Primăriei, să știți că acesta, spre exemplu, a fost convenit cu Ministerul Mediului, în planul integrat de calitate a aerului.” Și, pentru că mai avea pe cineva în vizor, Firea s-a luat și de Pieleapuțeanu, care nu era prezent: „Sunt comentarii, ca și aseară, în care cel mai notoriu sociolog, domnul Pieleanu, o dădea ca sigură că eu sunt candidat la prezidențiale pentru Pro România. E jignitor și sfidător să nu dai un telefon să întrebi să ți se infirme sau confirme o astfel de gogomănie”, s-a indignat generăleasa. Și, ca să le arate că nu se lasă și că n-o intimidează șefu la bani, ăla care îi asmute pe lătrăi împotriva ei, a încheiat: „Acolo unde va merge Liviu Dragnea, voi merge și eu, ca să fiu o alternativă la domnia sa, să arăt o altă față!” Ei, Găbițo, mare noroc ai avut că în studio erau doar lingăi, nu și jurnaliști. Că un singur jurnalist adevărat să fi fost, ți-ar fi retezat-o: „N-aveți cum, doamnă, că Dragnea o să meargă la Jilava, dumneavoastră, în cel mai bun caz, dacă o să faceți măgării cu banii bucureștenilor, ajungeți la Târgșor!”

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