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*Printre organele de presă care s-au învârtoșat, ca să zic așa, în ultima vreme împotriva ”statului securist”, a Binomului, Trinomului, Dodecagonului și altor instituții conduse din umbră de șerpilienii lui Soroș, nu mică mi-a fost mirarea să regăsesc și Mediafax. Reputata agenție de presă, un simbol de verticalitate și independență atâția ani, a început, de câtăva vreme, să facă și ea cu ochiul ălora de umblă toată ziua în gură cu ”statul paralel”, mai ales după ce patronul ei, Adrian Sârbu, s-a pomenit strâns puțin de ouțe de procurori. Ca atare, pe zi ce trece Mediafax se transformă într-o Antena 3 scrisă, unde găsim tot mai multe cadavre politice spălate și tot mai puțină deontologie sau adevăr. Ieri, agenția i-a făcut hatârul patronului și a publicat pe site-ul ei un ”denunț” al acestuia, în care Sârbu se adresează cititorului: ”Dacă îți pasă, citește-l aici, fără frici. Cititul nu se pedepsește în Noul Cod Penal. Denunțul e făcut și pentru tine, pret-a-porter, că te știu grăbit.” După care urmează un cearșaf de multe pagini în care onorabilul domn Sârbu se plânge ce nasoală e veața în România, cum ne urmăresc pe toți securiștii, cum încalcă legile procurorii, cum au rebrănduit Codruța și ai ei Justiția în Inchiziție. Auzi, vere, Inchiziție! Păi, dacă era Inchiziție, nene Adrieane, matale la câte țepe ai dat statului, la câți bani ai ciordit, ar fi trebuit să fi fost de mult ars pe rug în Piața Constituției, de Revelion, și pe fundal să cânte Loredana „zig zaga zugalaga zigazagaza”! Pe când așa, te văd că ești liber, te doare la bașcheți deocamdată și, dacă ți se mai târâie puțin procesul, o să ajungi și la prescripție, așa să nu-ți ajute Dumnezeu! Mi-a plăcut mult faza cu ”conspirația împotriva dreptului la viaţa noastră privată, la libertate, la drepturile fundamentale ale omului şi altele pe care ni le-am dorit în comunism şi ni le-am câştigat cu sânge în 89, la Revoluţie.” Auzi, coane, ni le-am câștigat cu sânge! Și mata ai vărsat sânge la Revoluție, mogulene, ți-a curs sânge din nas sau ce, că împușcat la televiziune nu pari să fii!

Și, ca nu cumva demersul lui să rămână fără ecou, Sârbu ni se adresează, cu aceeași mârlănie trufașă care l-a consacrat pe când era bos luxos la ProTV: ”Dacă nu vrei să-l citești pentru că nu-ți pasă, ești un Bou – de lemn, breloc la cheile mașinii de serviciu Audi a doctorului semiotician Codruta Kovesi. Că om nu pot să-ți spun!” Vă mărturisesc sincer, dragii mei: dacă denunțul ăsta ar fi fost trimis la Mediafax de un cetățean normal, uite, de pildă de unul căruia i-a pus Fiscul poprire pe card pentru o datorie de o sută de lei, și n-are bietul om ce pune de Paște pe masă copiilor, mai că i-aș fi dat dreptate. Dar când știu că l-a scris un mogul arogant și grețos, ce le zbiera subalternilor din MediaPro dornici să plătească datoriile legale către stat ”Bă, vă rup capul, bă!” parcă îmi piere toată empatia. Și apoi, nenea Adrieane, nu ești matale ăla care propunea să se aducă în Piața Universității, pe timpul Golaniadei, un camion încărcat cu explozibili, și să-i arunce în aer pe toți protestatarii contra lui Iliescu? Într-o țară normală, ai fi făcut pușcărie numai pentru așa ceva, dar noroc că noi trăim într-o țară paranormală, unde dacă filmezi ce trebuie (și mai ales pe cine trebuie făcând ce nu trebuie!) la Revoluție, poți ajunge mintenaș mare patron de presă. Așa că, musiu Sârbu, mai lasă-ne cu Inchiziția, cu statul paralel și mai bine scoate banii și varsă-i la buget, cu riscul că n-o să mai ai cu ce-ți scoate la un suc iubitele abia trecute de majorat. Pe urmă du-te și fă nițică pușcărie pentru ce-ai ciordit, așa cum face orice individ care delapidează sau bagă evaziune la greu, oriunde pe planetă. Și, când revii în societatea oamenilor cinstiți și liberi, lasă presa să-și facă treaba ei și nu o mai folosi nici pe post de bâtă, nici pe post de breloc la chei, cum tratezi tălică azi Mediafax, singura portavoce care ți-a mai rămas. Altfel, rămâi un corupt venal, care n-are grețuri să se dea de partea pușcăriașului cu suspendare Dragnea, cum n-a avut nici cu ani în urmă, când s-a dat cu pușcăriașul cu executare Adrian Năstase. Căci – și aici îmi permit să te plagiez, doar mi-ai dat voie – ”om nu pot să-ți spun!”

*Dar uite că ne-am luat cu hoții și ne-am înfierbântat rău, așa că hai să ne luăm și cu netoții, ca să ne mai dixtrăm nițel. Invitat la Antena 3, la Radu Tudor în emisiune, celebrul prezicător Pielepuțeanus, rudă bună cu Nostradamus, se știe, ne-a anunțat ce-a ghicit el în bobii sondajelor cu privire la alegerile europarlamentare din mai 2019. „Dați-mi voie să arunc o mănușă de provocare. La alegerile europarlamentare, Partidul Social Democrat poate să atingă un scor de cel puțin 50% din voturile exprimate în rândul oamenilor care vin la urne. Mă aștept ca participarea la vot să fie mai mică de 40%. (…) ALDE poate să se ducă de la 15% în sus, depinde de organizare”, a precizat Marusică-sondorul.  Că PSD o să ia 50% din voturi nu mai crede, probabil, nici proasta lui Dragnea nambăr tu, aia pusă în fruntea guvernului și care a ajuns abia să silabiseazcă ”șaptisprezece”, ”optisprezece”, deci n-a învățat încă și cifra 50. Dar remarcați că pielea sondajelor ăsta n-a zis ”o să atingă”, ci ”poate să atingă”. Cum aș zice eu că aș putea să urc pe Everest, dar nu-s curios să văd cum e, fiindcă preocuparea mea principală e să reușesc să mă urc în tramvaiul 41 la oră de vârf. Oricum, ce merită remarcat e faptul că, fără să vrea, Marusică a cam scos porumbelul: ”ALDE poate să se ducă de la 15% în sus, depinde de organizare.” Adică la ce organizare te referi, neică? Iar aveți de gând să scoateți voturi din pungă și să ziceți că a votat lumea cu PSD/ALDE la greu? Sau te pomenești că femeile dacilor, gepizilor, ostrogoților, pecenegilor, cumanilor și altor neamuri care s-au perindat pe aceste meleaguri au făcut un coup de foudre pentru eternul ginerică Tăriceanu și vor veni din lumea de apoi, în ziua votului, special să pună ștampila pe el?

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