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*Deși sunt, îndeobște, un om deosebit de rezistent, ținând bine și la oboseală, și la băutură, și la torturi (în special la cele cu ciocolată), aseară am fost nevoit să înghit vreo trei lămâi cu tot cu coaja aia tratată nu știu cum, că altfel nu rezistam la emisiunea cu Carmengaz de pe Antena 3. Atâta mârlănie și indiferență, de o parte, și atâta lingușeală și buze, de cealaltă parte n-am văzut în viața mea, măiculiță! Și nu știu, până acum aveam impresia că duduia asta cu priza e genul de secretară limitată, cu înțelegerea până la genunchele broaștei, bună doar la făcut cafeaua. Aseară mi-am dat seama că madama are porniri de psihopată, neică, și e, de fapt, genul care, după ce-ți face cafeaua, îți mai strecoară și niște stricnină în ea și pe urmă se uită la tine rânjind, și se delectează văzându-te cum te tăvălești în chinuri, fără să i se clintească un mușchi de pe chip. Apără-mă, Doamne, de Carmengaz! Ce-am aflat din gurița ministresei? Că e interesată „să-i descoperim pe adevărații agresori, pe cei care au agresat.” Ei, la faza asta un ziarist ar fi zis: da, doamnă, total de acord, asta am vrea să știm și noi și vom afla, când o să ne spuneți ce numere aveau pulănoșii ăia pe tricou, pardon, pe căști, de și le lipiseră cu izolirband, să nu se vadă. Dar cine a zis că Gâdea e ziarist? Stătea, ca balega-n drum, cu ochii mijiți la Carmengaz și nu zicea nici pâs, să n-o tulbure și să-și uite aia polologhia pe care trebuia s-o debiteze. Am mai aflat că există 160 de plângeri ale jandarmilor, dar că Parchetul nu prea s-a mișcat bine, să-i umfle pe agresori. Fa, Carmencito – vorbesc ca la voi, la Videle, poate mă-nțelegi – tu nu pricepi, fa, că jandarmii au declarat că au fost agresați moral? Păi explică-le procurorilor cum vine treaba cu agresiunea morală, dacă vrei să se ia măsuri! Le-or fi zis manifestanții ceva, le-or fi spus că nu le stă bine cu uniforma aia, le-or fi reproșat că le pute gura a ceapă, și jandarmii imediat au pus botul, zbierând că au fost agresați moral. Dacă vrei agresiune fizică, madam, apăi vino de partea astalaltă a baricadei, să vezi acolo ce-au făcut pulănoșii matale, c-au gazat una sută mii de oameni și au bătut la patru coaste o grămadă de nevinovați, care-și puseseră și mâinile pe cap. Făi, Carmencito, cred că și gestapoviștii, și sadicii ăia din SS și Einsatzgruppen (nu încerca să reții cuvântul, că-ți pleznesc neuronii ăia rari), dacă își punea unul mâinile pe cap în fața lor nu-l mai loveau. Dar jandarmii tăi, cucoană, nimic: Batman, batman, au bătut tot ce-au prins. Și ne-a mai spus blonda lui Dragnea, cu un ton de parcă vorbea de codul galben de ploaie, că „imagini cu bătăi sau cu intervenții în forță ale forțelor de ordine am văzut și în alte țări.” Așa e, și eu am văzut. Dar am mai văzut pe urmă că mardeiașii care loveau cu pulanul femei sau manifestanți pașnici înfundau pușcăria, și-n Europa, și în State, teleormăneanco! Numai la noi nu înfundă nimic, că stai tu cu curul pe dosare și le-ai secretizat. Evident, la toate aceste declarații Gâdea a stat smirnă și n-a întrebat nimic din ce nu era prevăzut, că așa-i jurnalismul de curvăsărie de la latrine: imagini cu protestatari loviți în cap de jandarmerie nu se difuzează, în schimb se insistă pe imaginile cu jandarmerița bătută, paralizată, nenorocită pe viață, dar salvată apoi miraculos, după ce-a mângâiat-o doamna ministru pe noadă și nițel pe țâțe – că vorba aia, unde pune mâna Carmencita, crește! Ia întrebați-l pe Dragnea… pardon, pe jandarmeriță!

*Și abia ce-mi mai revenisem și eu după emisiune și-mi ziceam că mai slugă decât Carmengaz și Gâdea Buzemoi nu mai poate fi cineva, m-a pus naiba să mă uit și prin Evenimentul zilei. Și ce să vezi?: un editorial al Maistrului Cristoiu, intitulat „De ce ar fi trebuit să demisioneze Liviu Dragnea, așa cum i-au cerut puciștii?”, în care acesta aplica un perdaf aspru „pucistului” Paul Stănescu. Că cine e ăsta, că el n-a auzit de Stănescu până mai ieri, că Stănescu era premier interimar când cu 10 august, deci știe el ceva despre ce s-a întâmplat atunci, că așa și pe dincolo. Iar concluzia articolului e clară: „Puciștii sunt baroni PSD de școală veche, cei care au creat imaginea unui partid de ciocoi, de ghiorțani, a unui partid mai degrabă gașcă de mafioți decât partid. Printre puciști se numără personaje corupte, sinistre, precum Paul Stănescu, Robert Negoiță, Dan Tudorache. Sunt ei însă mai breji decât Liviu Dragnea la capitolul cinste, devotament politic, necorupție? Nu sunt. Și atunci între coruptul Liviu Dragnea, care e totuși un politician de anvergură și acești corupți mediocri, parveniți în funcții numai și numai datorită lui Liviu Dragnea, e de preferat Liviu Dragnea.” Bravos, nenea Cristoiule, asta mi-a plăcut, dar te rog, șterge-te nițel de maro la gură, probabil ai mâncat ciocolată și n-ar fi frumos să mai apari așa, prin Skype, la Antena 3. Carevasăzică, dacă tot e să alegem între hoți, zice musiu Tristoiu, măcar să-l alegem pe Dragnea, că e politician de anvergură! Bre, ce-ai fumat, bre, și-a bătut cineva joc de matale, om bătrân și ți-a dat șpais expirat în loc de Kent 8? Cum adică politician de anvergură? Cocletele flaușat de Dragnea, băiatul de milițian din Gratia, birtașul care îndoia berea cu apă și care poartă costumele alea penibile ți se pare politician de anvergură? Și atunci De Gaulle, Reagan, Thatcher ce mai sunt, tataie, extratereștri? Tovarășe Cristoiu, îmbătrânești extrem de urât: pentru o ciorbă de burtă și ce ți-o mai da Dragnea acolo, ai ajuns exact în postura „călăilor din presă”, pe care știu că-i detești – alde Jdanov și alți ticăloși care, cum se supăra Stalin pe vreunul, cum tăbărau ăștia pe el și-l desființau în Pravda. Ai grijă însă în cine dai, că Dragnea nu e Stalin și s-ar putea să pice curând. Iar dacă vine duduia Firea în locul lui, să te ferești, nene Cristoiule! Că Firea e răzbunătoare, e bărbată, e virilă și-ți dă aia o anvergură de chiar o să fii, vorba matale, „un român rupt în fund.”

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