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*Pentru că anul ăsta va primi la curățătoria „Nufărul-România 9” atâtea cadavre politice de spălat încât n-o să aibă probabil timp să vadă vreo plajă, gurnalistul Ionuț Cristache de la TVR s-a gândit să audă măcar zgomotul plajei, șoaptelor valurilor și susurul brizei, așa că a intrat în direct prin telefon cu Elena Udrea, o duamnă care a plecat de luni bune la mare, că acasă o avea mică. Încrederea în justiție, nu vă mai gândiți la prostii! Vă mărturisesc sincer: când am văzut imaginea Udrei pe ecran, primul meu gând a fost: Frate, cine e jumulita asta? Cristache a început să facă interviuri cu florărese? Pentru că duduia arăta jalnic. Nu, nu ca o femeie însărcinată, pentru că femeile însărcinate, chiar și alea care se fac cât China, au o frumusețe aparte, un licăr în ochi, un ceva inefabil. Udrea n-avea nicio sclipire în ochi – o fi avut prin geantă, dar nu ne-a arătat-o – ci părea ștearsă, neîngrijită, nesulemenită, ne-nimic. Bine, fată, au murit toate machieuzele prin Costa Rica? S-au desființat coaforurile și cabinetele de masaj? Sau ai ajuns la fundul sacului și nu mai ai bani nici de rimeluri chinezești, „ținți la zețe mii” din Dragonul Roșu? Dar să trecem peste aspectul actual al ex-elegantei Nuți pentru a reveni la chestiune: deși se anunța un interviu incendiar, a avut grijă Cristache să-l stingă la timp, în sensul că n-a pus nicio întrebare capabilă s-o deranjeze pe invitată. Dimpotrivă, credincios idealurilor sale fripturiste, Sărmăluță a ridicat mingi la fileu la greu, să aibă Udrea ce șuta. Și blondina a profitat din plin, declarând că DNA și SRI au complotat împotriva ei, că e nevinovată, că s-au ascuns probe importante, că nici usturoi sau alte chestii n-a băgat în gură, deci nici gura nu-i miroase. Și a mai zis ceva duduia: „Mă voi întoarce în România dacă se va repune dosarul pe rol. Eu am spus mereu: Nu vreau să trăiesc în Costa Rica nici în altă parte. Eu vreau să trăiesc în România. Nu am nicio problemă să stau în faţa oricărei instanţe care mă judecă corect.” Bine, băi, Cristache, înțeleg că ești slugă și nu  îndrăznești să pui nicio întrebare de jurnalist, dar măcar puteai să fii băiat salon și să-i zici pațachinei: „Doamna Udrea, dacă tot ziceți că veniți, veniți, doamnă mai repede, că pe aici toți iau achitări pe bandă rulantă, iar când o să vă întoarceți dumneavoastră n-o să mai fie nimic de furat, că au furat ei deja!”

*Nu știu dacă ați remarcat și voi, dar în ultima vreme Dragnea intră în direct la Antena 3 numai noaptea târziu (da, ca hoții). Nu știu ce-o face toată ziulica și nu știu cum de-l mai suportă mititica (aia de lângă el, nu aia la care o să se mute în curând, așa să ne-ajute Dumnezeu!) să stea toată noaptea pe telefoane, dar cert este că de cum se apropie miezul nopții, Flaușatul e în discuție cu Gâdea. Aseară, limbuțele discrete ale lui Miăiță n-au fost suficiente pentru a-i mai ostoi suferința lui Dragnea, care, se simțea din glasul lui, era tare opărit. La o adică, nici n-avea cum să fie altfel: când încep să-ți fugă șobolanii de pe corabie și să plece la un șoarece de bibliotecă precum Ponta, e firesc ca tu, șobolan de câmp, popândău cu experiență la ros, să te simțiți trădat. Culmea este că și Dragnea tot comparația asta a făcut-o la adresa celor care-l lasă fără parlamentari, i-auziți:  „E o atitudine de șobolan a doi foști premieri ai partidului. Rod puțin, dar nu se dărâmă casa de la un șobolan sau doi șobolani. Majoritatea rămâne. Miza finală nu este guvernarea. Sunt dispuși să sacrifice orice, inclusiv securitatea României.” Dacă era și el jurnalist și nu maseur cu buza, Gâdea l-ar fi întrebat în secunda doi: „Să înțeleg deci că mai aveți șobolani în Partid?” Dar el și-a luat moaca aia de pastor răspopit, după ce le zice babetelor în adunare pilda fiului rătăcitor și vițelul cel gras și a tăcut înțelept: doar nu e tâmpit să zică nasoale de Ponta, că dacă se-ntoarce, mâine-poimâine, șoarecele-rătăcitor în PSD, Gâdea de la cine mai primește grăunțe?

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