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*Spre deosebire de alte tonomate din presă, care stau cu gura deschisă fie că primesc ceva, fie că nu, Victor Ciutacu e foarte atent în privința asta, nu care cumva să facă lucru mecanic degeaba. Câtă vreme îi dai, omul e scrofulos la datorie, și execută electric pe oricine, cum ar zice colegului lui de glumițe Mirel Palavra. Ei, însă cum nu-i mai dai sau cum ameninți să-i iei, odată se-nnegrește-n cerul gurii și-ncepe să latre, transformându-se în cel mai vajnic maidanez al democrației. Așa s-a întâmplat și recent: după ce-a dat cu bale în fostul guvern PSD, că așa venise ordin de zi la unitatea România TV, ca să cadă Grindeanu, Ciutacu a început să ridice în slăvi noul guvern PSD. Și l-a pupat el cât l-a pupat, până când a coborât la un punct din care efectiv nu l-a mai putut pupa: mai precis atunci când premierul DouăDoze (Two-doses pentru cunoscători) a anunțat că bagă taxa de solidaritate, pentru salariile care depășesc 14.000 de lei. Ei, cu ocazia asta am aflat și cât câștigă Victor, zis ”al lui Bălosu”, pentru că vuvuzeaua s-a demascat singură. Într-o scrisoare deschisă adresată lui nea Tudose, Ciutacu se declară absolut de acord cu măsura comunistă numită ”impozitarea cifrei de afaceri”, care i se pare că „sună bine”, în schimb nici nu vrea să audă de taxa de solidaritate, care probabil îl afectează și pe el, deci homunculul umflă peste 14.000 de lei de la România TV. O să-mi ziceți că ziariștii de la RTV nu mai iau decât o mie de lei la salar. Păi ăia, da, iau o mie, pentru că sunt ziariști, dar ce, Ciutacu e ziarist? Ciutacu e orice altceva, de la îmbălsămător de cadavre politice la sugător de acadele, numai ziarist, nu! Pentru el, orice măsură de japcă pesedistă e bună, câtă vreme nu-i ia nimeni lui măcar un leuț din portofel. Dacă-i ia și lui, automat nu mai e bună și trebuie desființată. Oricum, nu cred că e cazul ca Victoraș-băiat-de-oraș să-și facă griji, chiar și dacă bagă pesedeaua taxă de solidaritate. Nu trebuie decât să facă spume la bot prin emisiuni ceva mai intens ca până acum și să aducă o țidulă din care să rezulte că a stat într-o locuință socială, rezervată handicapaților, și nu-i mai cere nimeni nimic: păi cât de câinoși să fie ăia de la Fisc ca să mai ceară taxă de solidaritate de la unul căruia îi curge scuipat din gură la televizor?

*Un alt deontolog ireproșabil când nu e vorba de banii lui, Ion Cristoiu, lansează un atac la baionetă împotriva lui Iohannis. Deci țara piere de Varan, și pe Maestru îl freacă grija (păi la vârsta asta ce să-l mai frece?) de ce-a mers Iohannis în secuime. În editorialul din Evenimentul zilei intitulat ”Voit sau nu, Iohannis a reușit să facă din Ținutul Secuiesc un partener de dialog egal al statului român”, domnul Cristoiu induce ideea că președintele e un trădător de țară fiindcă s-a dus să vadă ce mai fac ungurienii din Harghita și Covasna. Dar ce voiai, Maestre, să le facă? Să nu-i bage în seamă, să se prefacă, scurt, că nu există unguri în România ori că sunt niște bipezi de rangul trei, la care șeful statului nu trebuie să se coboare? Ori preferai să le cânte imnul României la mitralieră, cum ar fi făcut, probabil, idolul matale, Mareșalul Antonescu? Indiferent ce-ar  face Klaus,  văd că nu-ți convine: dacă se duce în Covasna, scrii că de ce se duce în Covasna; dacă nu se duce în Covasna, ci pleacă în Florida, te isterizezi de ce-a plecat în Florida, în loc să meargă în Covasna, și tot așa. Cine să te mai înțeleagă, Maestre? Nu mai zic de faptul că ai scris un ditamai cearșaful de text și n-ai pus întrebarea crucială: de unde avea Iohannis drapelul românesc, cu care le-a dat iredentiștilor peste bot de i-a lăsat în silenzio clampa?

*Și tot în Evenimentul zilei am citit un titlu care face cinste acestui ziar de mare tradiție găinistică: ”Femei foarte dotate. NATURA GENEROASĂ le-a dat de toate şi sus, şi jos – Galerie foto”. La așa cuvinte, ce-ar mai putea adăuga cititorul de poze tradițional? Nu mai poate adăuga nimic, că deja se gândește cum să dea click mai repede pe poze, să vază și el cât de generoasă a fost Natura. Remarc totuși în tonul limbricilor care au scris acest minunat material o mititică doză de invidie. Dar de ce, măi, gurnaliști de la Evz, sunteți invidioși? Că nu sunteți și voi dotați ca damele alea? Poate nu sunteți, nu zic nu, dar măcar priviți partea plină a paharului – anume că și vouă, unde nu vă dă Natura, vă dă patronul: jos vă dă toată luna, că face șmotru cu voi, să scrieți de Binom,  de Soroș și alți vânzători de țară, și sus vă dă, cu vârf și îndesat, în ziua de leafă…

*Din celebrul ziar quality Adevărul am aflat un lucru care m-a lăsat mască: dispar românii. Da, da, scrie acolo negru pe alb, i-auziți: ”Românii dispar. Câţi vom mai fi în 2050 şi ce ar trebui să facă statul ca să crească populaţia ţării”. Tocmai când credeam că au început românașii să plece toți să facă grătare cu fleică și mititei la Pădurea Baciu și i-a înghițit gaura neagră, intru în text și văd că românii de fapt nu dispar ca măgaru-n ceață, ci crapă, de la diverse. Ori de boală, ori de bătrânețe, ori de ciudă că n-au de unde fura 114 milioane de euroi, să primească zece ani cu suspendare. Bine, mă, jurnaliști de calitate, nu puteați să ziceți așa de la început? Și la ce v-ați apucat voi să dați sfaturi statului, cum să crească populația țării? Păi ca să te-nmulțești, ce trebuie să faci? Un singur lucru, se știe: să fxxi. Ei, și voi aveți impresia că nu ne fxxe statul destul?

 

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