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*Atunci când nu ridică în slăvi vreun penal, nu curăță mai bine ca Nufărul un corupt sau nu spală cu limbă moale vreun cadavru politic, vuvuzelele lui Felix își iau colții ăia mari, de bun, ca-n desene animate și încep să sfâșie dujmanii. Aseară, ei au renunțat nițel la Codruța, Iohannis și statul paralel și au început să latre în acute către Vlad Voiculescu, fostul ministru al Sănătății din guvernul Cioloș. Ceea ce este, pe undeva curios, pentru că până acum anteniștii nici nu l-au băgat în seamă – probabil încă se temeau că o fi ceva rudă cu stăpânul Varan și nu voiau să rămână nerăhățiți… pardon, nemâncați. Dar, imediat ce-a anunțat Vlad Voiculescu că va candida la primărie, contra Firei, ba a început s-o mai și critice pe Zâna Pandeluță, atacurile s-au declanșat. Aseară, cum vă spuneam, a fost invitat la Antena 3 un anume domn Alex Coița, care, să vedeți chestie curioasă, a fost pe vremuri consilier la Roberta Anastase și secretar de stat în guvernul Mihai Răzvan Ungureanu – adică oamenii pe care Antena 3 îi înjura zilnic pe atunci – dar care acum, că zice nasoale de cine trebuie, a fost reevaluat și e taman bun de invitat la latrina TV. Ei, și domnul Coița ăsta se apucă să povestească, sub privirile uimite ale Oanei Stancu, o întâmplare, zice el, de când era Vlad Voiculescu ministru: „În 2016 am avut un dialog cu Vlad Voiculescu. Fiind la Washington, am primit o propunere de la niște specialiști de la un mare centru de medicină care mi-au zis: ‘vrem să venim în România și să facem un spital mare la care să vină oameni și din alte țări’. Mi s-a părut o idee bună. Am lucrat pentru ei pro bono câteva luni, am bătut la uși pentru a vedea cine este interesat să facă un parteneriat cu acest centru de medicină din America. Am vorbit și cu Vlad Voiculescu. Nu a avut timp… nu știu ce s-a întâmplat. Nu am apucat să mai vorbim despre asta… adică nu a fost o întânire oficială, așa cum mi-aș fi dorit”. Cei prezenți în platou au rămas consternați: „Realizați cât este de grav ceea ce dezvăluiți?” a susurat Oana Zamfir; „În momentul în care cineva de la Washington îți face o asemenea propunere… să nu reușești să construiești ceva? Mi se pare tulburător”, a îngânat, popește, pe nas, și Mihai Gâdea. Nu, băi, gurnaliști de ziua a șaptea, nu asta ar fi trebuit să fie reacția voastră, să dați ochii pe spate și să vă prefaceți indignați. Reacția voastră de jurnaliști ar fi trebuit să fie ceva de genul „Pics or It Didn’t Happen” – dacă vă e cunoscută sintagma, ceea ce m-ar mira. Trebuia să-i cereți băiețașului ăluia docomente, certefecate, dovada – cum ar fi zis Savanta! Cum se numeau „specialiștii”, care era „marele centru de medicină”, avea o vreo țidulă oficială de la ei, că așa, pe vorbe goale oricine poate spune orice. Uite, de pildă pot zice și eu că tocmai am fost contactat acu vreo două zile de reprezentanții unui mare laborator de cercetări din Statele Unite ca să li-i aduc pe Badea și Gâdea, fiindcă li se terminase lotul de macaci pentru experiențe, dar nu ne-am înțeles la preț!

*Și, că tot am vorbit despre macaci, ia uitați ce titlu dau meseriașii de la Evenimentul zilei, doar-doar or mai agăța un click: „Legătura INCREDIBILĂ dintre CALMANTE și HOMOSEXUALITATE. Pățania unui PROASPĂT GAY britanic”. În articol se vorbește despre un june care, pentru că se lovise într-un accident de karting, a început să ia calmante și ce să vezi: n-a mai simțit nimic pentru prietena lui, în schimb a început să fie atras de bărbați! Și acum e „gay proaspăt”, zice ziarul, probabil ca să se diferențieze de gay veștejiți, ofiliți sau cu termenul de valabilitate expirat. Domle, asta e un lucru extraordinar și cred că toți bărbații din lume se vor gândi de două ori, de-acum, înainte să ia calmante, să nu sufere o așa transformare. Dar mă gândesc că transformarea asta e totuși nimic față de cea suferită de ziariștii de la Evenimentul zilei, care nu știu ce drăcii de medicamente au luat, că în loc să fie atrași de adevăr, ca până acum câțiva ani, au început să simtă o atracție irezistibilă față de banii lui Nuți Udrea și ai altor penali!

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