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*În varianta media, vechiul dicton „Laudă-mă gură, că-ți dau prăjitură” ar putea suna ceva de genul „Pupă-mă-n cur, gură, că-ți dau titulatură”. Și, dacă nu credeți, n-aveți decât să vă uitați la cum a decurs gala Asociației Pupincuriștilor…. ăăă, mă scuzați… Profesioniștilor de Televiziune din România și o să-mi dați dreptate. Pentru că gala n-a fost, cum s-a dorit, un eveniment menit să promoveze și să răsplătească adevăratele valori din televiziune, ci o șușanea plătită de primăreasa generăleasă Firea, prin care aceasta și-a răsplătit o parte din țuțări. Ca să vă dați seama cât de penibilă a putut fi situația, gândiți-vă că Primăria a premiat o emisiune sponsorizată de… Primărie – „365 de eroi ai României” și realizată nu de eroi, ci de-un gherțoi, Adrian Ursu de la Antena 3. Sponsorul ARCUB n-a uitat să cinstească masa și pentru Sărmăluță, garsonul lui Felix Varanul fiind răsplătit cu 1.500 de lei – o decizie atât de bizară încât a stârnit ilaritate și reacții ostile chiar și în sală. Ca să dreagă busuiocul, organizatorii au anunțat: „Premiem programul, nu contractul domnului Cristache (25.000 de lei pe lună pentru emsiunea „România 9”). Bă-băieți, veniți, mă, și voi cu minciuni mai credibile, ce naiba? Cum să premiezi un program care are audiență zero barat? Ziceți-o pe-aia dreaptă, l-ați premiat pe Sărmăluță că mănâncă rahat cum trebuie și pentru cine trebuie, pentru Partid, pentru penali, pentru ăia de la butoane. Că dacă era să premiați pe cineva pentru program, îl puteați premia pe Pătraru, că ăla are emisiune beton și cam rupe TVR-ul în materie de audiențe. A, dar stați, am uitat, Pătraru zice nasoale de Partid și, mai ales, de Duamna Zâna Pandeluță, cum naiba să dați voi bani la dușmani, când voi dați numai la fazani?

*Când n-o să mai fie premieriță, Veorica Dăncilă ar putea rămâne în București, să nu mai fie nevoită să se întoarcă la goblenuri și la punctul înaintea acului, ca profă de lucru manual la Videle. Ce să facă la București o analfabetă funcțională, ca ea? Să scrie la Evenimentul zilei, că și-acolo tot analfabeți unul și unul găsești. Uite, de pildă o duduiță cu al cărei nume nici n-are rost să vă mai încarc memoria bagă un titlu mare: „Cioloș și Voiculescu i-a „trimis în penal”, dar medicii de la Sf. Maria au realizat cel de-al 4-lea transplant pulmonar”, la un articol care vrea să dea o copită „soroșiștilor lui Cioloș” și să ridice în slăvi gașca lui Narcis Copcă, șmecherică ăla care are alergie la medici străini, dar nu și la viloaie românești, după cum bine a arătat Tolo aici. Nene Tristoiule, nene Andronic și nene Curea, înțeleg că vă place să aveți negrișori pe plantație la Evenimentul, dar angajați, frate, negrișori din ăia care au mai trecut și pe la școala primară din Corocăiești, măcar. Sau titulatura de „cotidian popular” la asta se referea – la faptul că masacrați gramatica intenționat, ca să vă înțeleagă și cocalarii și pițipoancele cu „școala vieți” la activ? Mizați greșit, după părerea mea, ăia oricum citesc doar poze! Dar știți ce? Măcar faceți-i și fetei care a comis-o cu „e mulți” o bucurie de Crăciun (că salariul oricum i-l dați din an în Paște): explicați-i, frumos, că „Cioloș și Voiculescu” nu e unul sigur, ca Ho Și Min, e „dăcât” doi, bre!

*Mirci Badea s-a declarat aseară  foarte indignat de președintele României, pe motiv că sabotează guvernul de genii al Veoricăi și de-aia nu-l mai suportă deloc. „Nu aș vrea să îl mai văd în această viață pe Klaus Werner Iohannis. Când o candida Klaus Werner Iohannis, sigur votez împotriva lui, oricine ar fi. Poate nu pe Kovesi, atunci nu mă duc la vot. Dar alfel, nu am cum să îl votez pe Iohannis”, a declarat Badea. Vuvuzele, zici că nu vrei să-l mai vezi pe Iohannis? Păi fii atent rezolvare simplă, de la mandea, și nu te costă nimic, să știi: data viitoare când mai mergi să te adape Varanul, zi-i, tati, să mute jetul și nițel mai sus, spre ochi, și dac-o fi chiar în clipa aia Iohannis la televizor, eu îți garantez că n-o să-l mai vezi!

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