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*Pentru că situația economică e tot mai nașpa și românii resimt asta tot mai dureros, cu fiecare zi și cu fiecare preț care trece prin portofelul lor, aparatul de propagandă al Partidului s-a pus în mișcare, având ca misiune să demonstreze telespectatorilor că tot ce văd nu-i adevărat, iar ce simt sunt doar senzații extrasenzoriale mincinoase, date de Soroș, prin vibrații bioenergetice negative, de la distanță. La TVR1, de pildă, televiziune care a început să fie mai roșie decât pe timpul lui Iliescu – nu pentru că ar fi fost vopsită de Paște, ci pentru că au pătruns acolo tot felul de lichele cu simpatii feseniste –  , a fost invitată duduia Vulguța Vasilescu, ministresa Muncii în zadar, să le zică ea cetățenilor cum stă treaba. Sub privirile și limbile admirative ale lui Ionuț Cristache, lacheul de serviciu, cunoscuta guristă Olguța de la Craiova a dat un recital pe acute, hăulindu-se mai ceva ca Salam în concert că dujmanii-i poartă pică fiindcă n-are valoarea ei și că în România totul e perfect, dar numai proștii nu-și dă seama – vorbesc așa, poate o citi și vreun pesedist. Astfel, Mulguța a afirmat că Institutul Național de Statistică (INS) greșește flagrant afirmând că a crescut șomajul, iar ”salariile dublate”, mult trâmbițate sunt mai mari cu doar 3 lei. ”Sunt foarte multe cifre la INS care nu bat cu ceea ce avem noi în minister. Ei lucrează după metoda Eurostat, prin sondaj, noi lucrăm cu cifre foarte exacte. De exemplu, azi şomajul este sub 4%, este 3,91%. INS spune că este peste 4%. Am văzut şi luni în care îl dădea la 5,1%. INS calculează după metoda sondajului, noi calculăm după cifrele exacte”, a gavarit Olguța, în vreme ce ăia 3,91% români trimiși în șomaj tocmai îi livrau niște produse de carmangerie la fel de exacte și de concrete. Păi Olguțo, ca să-l parafrazez pe Moromete, vezi, fa, că ești proastă? Adică atunci când susținea că România are creștere economică de 7%, mai tare ca Turcia și China, INS era bun și corect, ca să aveți voi cu ce vă lăuda, iar acum, când zice nasoale, nu mai e bun, că lucrează prin sondaj? Atunci nu lucra, fa, tot prin sondaj, mincinoșilor care sunteți voi mincinoși? Bineînțeles că niciunul dintre gurnaliștii prezenți în studio – nici Sărmăluță și nici celebrul deontolog Val Vâlcu – nu i-au pus Vulguței întrebarea asta firească, pe care i-ar fi adresat-o și un boboc la Jurnalism, fiindcă n-au vrut să-i tulbure aura energetică, mă gândesc. Așa că distinsa a continuat să aiureze, delirând ceva despre autostrăzi care ar trebui construite în sud, infrastructură și alte fonfleuri. Și, cum Vâlcu tot o aia la cap că PSD trebuie să facă lucruri concrete, fiindcă frustrarea oamenilor din cauza infrastructurii lipsă o să coste Partidul la alegeri, Vulguța a abordat atitudinea clasică de țață și, deși nu și-a înfipt mâinile în șolduri, s-a rățoit la el: „Dacă pierdem alegerile o să-mi iau popcorn şi o să mă uit la televizor când o să vină ceilalţi, care spun acum clar şi răspicat că anulează Legea salarizării, care vin şi spun că am devalizat bugetul pentru că am crescut pensiile şi salariile şi o să vedem cum se descurcă ei.” Olguțo, maică, alegerile le pierdeți sigur, dar tare mi-e teamă că tu nu prea o să mai ai bani de popcorn, fiindcă în Opoziție PSDragnea e sărac, se știe, nu mai e conectat la țâța statului, iar singura meserie pe care ai dovedit că o știi e politica, eu nu te-am văzut făcând și altceva. Așa că, preventiv, n-ar fi rău să faci rost de niște semințe prăjite și să-ți deschizi afacere în Craiovița Nouă cu „dă floare și dă bostan, băieți”, măcar așa să vezi și tu ce înseamnă munca aia la care ești ministră!

*Fiindcă Olguța era la TVR, iar duduia Carmencita încă nu se lămurise dacă de Paște se sărbătorește nașterea sau învierea Domnului Iisus Hristos, la Antena 3 a fost trimisă ”proasta lui Dragnea nambăr oan”, cum o numesc cârcotașii pe duduia prim-ministru. Pretextul l-a constituit prezentarea bilanțului de 100 de zile al guvernării Docilă – un fel de parastas de 100 de zile, cum ar veni. Nu știu dacă doamna VeVe a reușit să numere ea până la 100 sau au numărat alții pentru ea și au trimis-o la televizor când s-a împlinit sorocul, dar cert este că, la fel ca și Vulguța, prim-sinistra a încercat să ne explice că noi o ducem boierește, dar suntem atât de tulburați din cauza influențelor masonice, astrale și megaspațiale, încât simțim că o ducem tot mai prost. „În sănătate, la 1 martie anul acesta, au crescut salariile cu procente între 75% și 120%. În educație, de la 1 martie, avem o creștere de 20%”, a explicat Paviana coafată în emisiunea Sandrei Stoicescu. Dacă ar fi venit cu temele făcute, Stoiceasca ar fi trebuit ca în clipa aia să-i arate un fluturaș de salariu pe luna martie, fie din educație, fie din sănătate, că au fost postate cu duiumul pe Facebook în ultimele zile, să vadă toată lumea că menajera lui Flaușatu’ minte cum respiră, iar salariile au scăzut în multe cazuri. Însă serafica prezentatoare i-a zâmbit languros Imunobabuinei, căci o durea fix la louboutini de salariile medicilor și profesorilor: ea a învățat carte la „Școala Vieți”, nu ca ăștia, și de-aia a ajuns să lucreze la domnul Voiculescu, unde salariile nu scad niciodată dacă ai limba suficient de moale. Și tocmai când mă pregăteam să-mi vărs năduful pe Viorica-Vasilica, fiindcă minte de rupe, ea a ciripit, printre buzișoarelele rujate: „Nu putem vorbi decât de creșteri, nu de reduceri salariale”. Aha, carevasăzică ea ar vrea să vorbească și de reduceri salariale, dar nu-i dă voie procletul ăla cu mustață! Sandro, fată, chiar așa de insensibilă ești, nu te-ai prins? Nu vezi că paviana chiar avea o problemă? Că nu putea, săraca, să spună adevărul, dar clipea așa de des, să-ți atragă atenția, încât mă mir cum de nu i-a intrat tot rimelul în ochi!

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