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*Știam că jurnalismul poate fi de multe feluri – de opinie, de investigație etc – dar nu-mi imaginam că ar putea exista și un jurnalism de speculație. Cam cu asta se ocupă scribălăii și guriștii de la Antena 3: cu speculațiile. Adică ei nu vin la telespectatori cu dovezi concrete, cu documente, cu mărturii precise și indubitabile, ei vin cu speculații, cu bârfuțe și păreri. De altfel, de la slugile unui individ care dădea cu ciocul la Securitate, inventând gogorițe inclusiv despre rudele lui de sânge, de la ce să te aștepți? Emisiunea lui Gâdea de aseară tot în acest stil de jurnalism s-a înscris: vuvuzeii au analizat cazul fostei procuroare Maria Capră, care locuiește pe aceeași stradă unde se află casa din Sibiu a lui Iohannis. Iată, au zis ei pitecantropilor care-i urmăresc, motivul pentru care președintele a fost scos basma curată de justiție: e vecin cu procuroarea! Păi, băi Gâdeo, asta-i viața, tată: ce să-i fac eu stăpânului tău nambăr twu, Dragnea, că și-a făcut ditamai căsoaia, pe patru străzi, de nici vecini nu mai are, că a ocupat el toate străzile? Ia să-și fi făcut o viluță mai modestă, să se învecineze și el cu un judecător, cu un procuror, să vezi cum nu mai avea nevoie de trei trageri la sorți până să nimerească judecători milostivi – îi nimerea din prima! Evident, Gâdea n-a adus nicio dovadă concretă că procuroarea Capră l-ar fi favorizat pe Iohannis – de ce dovezi ar mai avea nevoie trepanații telespectatori ai Latrinei 3, în afară de faptul că și președintele, și procuroarea, stau pe aceeași stradă? Și stați, că șirul „coincidențelor” nu s-a oprit aici: alde Gâdea și ceilalți limbrici au mai scormonit nițel și au descoperit că soțul doamnei Capră a fost cândva un directoraș, ceva, la firma austriacă Schweighofer Holzindustrie, „compania care defrișează pădurile României”, deci iată, stimați telespectatori, cum se leagă lucrurile! Iată de ce, au clamat latriniștii, austriecii pot tăia și spânzura în țărișoara noastră, pot distruge codrul, frate cu românul: pentru că la ei a lucrat cândva un domn căsătorit cu doamna Capră și care locuiește, cu soția, pe aceeași stradă cu Iohannis! Ce Watergate? Ce Panama files? Luați de aici jurnalism de bănuială și coincidență, de la Antena 3! Gâdeo, nene, acum, că tot te-ai apucat să faci investigații de radio-șanț, îți vând un pont: ia vezi, buzică, nu cumva șefii ăi mari de la Schweighofer stau pe aceeași stradă cu Adrian Năstase și Ion Iliescu? Că prea i-au ajutat ăștia: primul le-a dat, în 2003, austriecilor, drept de preempțiune pe 50% din pădurile României, iar al doilea l-a decorat pe herr Gerald Schweighofer, patronul companiei, cu Ordinul Național „Pentru Merit”, în grad de cavaler, deci e clar că – judecând după logica ta, și Adelu, și Ilici, sunt pe mână cu austriecii!

*Profitând de faptul că alegătorii PSD au același IQ subunitar ca duduia Veorica care (da, e cacofonie, dar aici se potrivește la fix!) devastează Europa, sondorul Marius Pieleanu a mai scos din burtica lui bine nutrită cu bani de la buget un sondaj care sfidează orice logică. De ce zic asta? Păi hai să vedem cifrele: nenea Pieleanu zice că, dacă duminică ar fi alegeri prezidențiale, reprezentantul PSD + ALDE ar lua 36%, iar cel al PNL (adică Iohannis) ar lua doar 32%. După care, într-o planșă ulterioară, Marusică uită ce-a spus mai înainte și zice, senin, că Iohannis ar lua 32%, iar Dragnea sau Tăriceanu doar 20-21%. Meseriașule, cum vine asta? E aritmetica lui „Genunche Pop”, unde 20 e mai mare ca 32 sau n-ai vrut să se șucăre Partidul că-l lași în procentul gol? Dacă Dragnea sau Tăriceanu iau câte 20%, de ce ai zis că reprezentantul PSD/ALDE ia 36%? Sau, dacă ai adunat cifrele, de ce n-ai zic că el ia 41%, că atât fac, însumate, 20 cu 21? De fapt, cred că, debitând minciuni la greu, Pieleanu face un mare serviciu democrației: ne arată cifrele corecte, doar că noi trebuie să știm să le citim. Fiindcă el nu are marja de eroare 3%, ci mult mai mare, cât vor ăia de-l plătesc de mare. Și, după alegeri, când Dragnea și Tăriceanu o să se facă de râs, cu niște procente mai puține chiar și decât centimetrii etalați, dacă-nțelegeți ce vreau să spun, Pieleanu o să ridice din umeri și-o să zică: „Mă iertați, șefu, dar să știți că-s nevinovat: am scris clar că o să aveți 3,6% din voturi, dar dac-a fost al draqu computer sorosișt și n-a luat și virgula, io ce vină am?”

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