Gaura neagră a FMI

11:06 am, 9 mai 2011 • de 274 Comentarii

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Hai să-l prind pe vreunul că-l duce mintea la prostii! Nu la femei m-am referit, ci la Fondul Monetar Internaţional, clar? Că doar aici e fondul problemei: de FMI depinde dacă mai mănâncă şi gura pensionarilor ceva sau intră toţi în post negru, să fie pregătiţi pentru Rai. FMI va decide dacă bugetarii vor mai merge anul ăsta la băi sau se vor spăla acasă, la lighean, cu apa încălzită pe aragaz. Şi noi, în loc să le scuturăm scamele de pe costum şi să-i facem gigea, stăm să le numărăm găurile din pantofi şi râdem de ei, într-o tandră manifestare de ospitalitate mioritică. Chestiunea găurii negre care se cască în pantoful lui Jeffrey Franks a stârnit hohote de râs şi a dat naştere la numeroase discuţii. Ori e zgârcit, ori e îngălat, a zis românul, din postura de prieten la cataramă cu săpunul şi cu pasta de dinţi. Faptul că scroafa-i moartă în coteţ şi cu fundu-n uşă nu pare să-i deranjeze pe compatrioţii noştri, care, din toată tevatura cu Fondul, au ales partea cea mai nostimă: “Băi, ce pantofi varză are mutantul ăsta!”.

Prilej numai bun de a-şi aminti că, în urmă cu nu mulţi ani, un alt grangur al finanţelor internaţionale, Paul Wolfowitz, a fost şi el surprins cu ciorapii rupţi. Chiar n-or avea bani băieţii ăştia de la Bancă Mondială şi FMI să-şi cumpere nişte ciorapi mai acătării sau să-şi mai schimbe pantofii, să nu umble până li se tocesc pingelele, s-au întrebat românii şi, mucaliţi, tot ei şi-au răspuns: păi cum naiba să mai aibă bani, când ni i-au dat nouă pe toţi? Ăştia-s creştini adevăraţi (chiar şi ovreul de Wolfowitz!), care preferă să umble ei desculţi, dar să aibă românul ce încălţa. Şi nu doar românul Emil Boc, care-şi cumpără pantofi de 200 de lei perechea, ci românul, în general, care o avea el datorii de mii de lei la întreţinere şi rate restante la bancă de vreo şase luni, dar aţi văzut ce pantofi Gucci şi ce adidaşi Nike poartă?

Aşa că râdem noi, râdem, dar parcă nu-i râsul nostru. Cu pantofi găuriţi sau fără, Franks şi-a făcut treaba: a venit, a văzut, a semnat. Ne-a dat banii, ne-a scos din foame, dar nota de plată tot noi, cei care ne hlizim azi, o vom suporta mâine. E adevărat, FMI a pus cele mai convenabile condiţii pentru împrumuturile date, dar, chiar şi aşa, dobânzile sunt dobânzi şi trebuie plătite într-o zi. Cei care înjură cu sârg guvernul, că ne-a înrobit la finanţa evreiască şi la oculta mondială, mai bine ar fi căutat o alternativă viabilă la acordul cu Fondul, pentru că e evident că, fără banii ăştia, n-am fi ieşit din iarnă. Şi nu încălţările cele vechi ale ipistatului Franks ar trebui să ne preocupe, ci hainele cele noi ale împăratului Năstase ori ale aristocratului Tăriceanu, cei doi premieri care au aruncat cu pomeni electorale în populaţie până când i s-a făcut rău bugetului şi a trebuit resuscitat de FMI.

Chiar dacă domnul Boc ne spune, surâzător, din pantofii ăia noi, care-l fac să pară şi mai înalt şi mai îndrăzneţ, că economia îşi revine şi că am ieşit din recesiune, situaţia nu e deloc roz. Benzina devine, pe zi ce trece, un lux şi nu m-ar mira s-ajungem să ne dăm în cap pentru o canistră, mai ceva ca-n “Mad Max”. Preţurile la mâncare au explodat şi, din popor vegetal, românii riscă să devină, cât de curând, popor vegetarian. Ba, colac peste pupăză, în anii care vin vom avea de înapoiat banii creditorilor, cu dobânda aferentă, după învoială. Iar noi râdem de gaura căscată în pantoful lui Franks, în loc să plângem că gaura neagră a FMI va înghiţi până şi luminiţa de la capătul tunelului.

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