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În ciuda opiniilor docte ale savanților britanici, care susțin că evoluția a încetat cam de multișor, viața însăși ne-a demonstat, cum ar fi zis tovarășul Stalin, că evoluția continuă. Cel puțin la noi, în județul Teleorman, unde babuinii abia dați jos din copac au început să folosească unelte și, spre deosebire de maimuțele antropoide normale, nu le-au abandonat, ci au continuat să le utilizeze la treburi casnice. Și, dacă nu credeți, uitați-vă la braziliantopitecul cu mustață numit Livinho, care de ani de zile se folosește de tot felul de unelte, masculine sau feminine, ba pe unele chiar le promovează în funcții. Într-un cuvânt, nu știu cum o fi pe restul planetei, dar la Teleorman macacii progresează ceva de speriat: o macacă de gen feminin a reușit să descopere priza (o descoperire epocală, care-l face, cu siguranță, pe Edison să se răsucească în mormânt la ora asta, mai ceva ca șaorma-n țepușă la Dristor Kebap), în vreme ce o alta, cam paviană după meclă&freză, a atins o performanță și mai uluitoare, scoțând printre buzișoarele date cu ruj primele cuvinte articulate: „He-he!”

Ce-i drept, macacii aflați în plină evoluție care ne conduc sunt încă speriați de civilizație. Și cum de n-ar fi? Niște bipezi aduși de la șaibă, de la coada vacii, de la babaroase, table și șeptic, să se pomenească deodată cocoțați prin vile și palate, cu limuzină la scară și junglă personală la Fortaleza? Cine n-ar fi speriat? E normal deci ca un cercopitec precum Șerban Nicolae să creadă că blițul de la telefon îți consumă minutele din abonament și alți pitecantropi din PSD să fie convinși că mișcarea #rezist e dirijată prin unde electromagnetice imperialiste și lanterne cu laser soroșist. E la fel de normal ca unul ca Dragnea să fie convins că îl spionează „statul paralel” prin „patru puncte luminoase care apar pe ecran și pe urmă ecranul se face cam două treimi alb, în care se scrie ‘se ascultă’ și după care începe să scrie în timp real ce zice avocatul acolo.”

Păi după ce-ai copilărit în casa lui tac-to milițian, după ce ai rămas repetent în facultate și ai chiulit de la orele de științe, dar acum te dai mare inginer, nu-i firesc să te simți spionat de patru puncte luminoase și să crezi că ele sunt procurori sub acoperire? Voi îi cereți lui Dragnea să știe cu smartphone-ul, când smartphone-ul e mai inteligent decât el și toate slugile lui la un loc? De la un maimuțoi sinistru, care s-a mufat la țâța statului uman și-a prins beția puterii, voi aveți pretenția să fie civilizat, când el aruncă mucul de țigară netimbrată pe jos, deși are coșul de gunoi la doi pași? Zău, oameni buni, aveți prea multe așteptări. Ca evoluția să fie deplină și Dragnea să ajungă și el, în sfârșit, Homo sapiens, ar fi necesar să plece dintre maimuțele alea care-l tot ridică în slăvi și să se mute între oameni. I-ar prinde tare bine, zău așa! Măcar vreo șapte ani să se mute între oameni, fie chiar și la Jilava – ce, acolo nu trăiesc oameni? Și să-l vedeți pe urmă pe Livache cum iese evoluat pe deplin, om civilizat, care aruncă mucul doar în scrumieră, care nu se mai teme de telefoane și de puncte luminoase și care o să ajungă – pun prinsoare pe-o navetă cu bere! – să aibă coraj să folosească și foehnul, evident, după ce colegii de celulă o să-i explice că, deși seamănă cu un pistol, nu există riscul să se împuște cu el.

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