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Preocupate să-și demonstreze patriotismul de mucava, slugile în bleu-danjarm ale lui Carmengaz au auzit că pe 1 Decembrie românii se pregătesc să le trateze așa cum merită – cu fundul adică – și s-au bășicat pe loc. Cum adică? Să ne întoarcem cu spatele la tovarășu gradu? Să nu-i ovaționăm noi pe bătăușii care ne-au gazat și ne-au bătut la patru coaste pe 10 august? Să nu-i zicem măcar „săru-mâna, șerifule”, marțafoiului în alb, recte colonelul Paraschiv, că a fost milostiv cu noi și ne-a lăsat astă vară cu dinții-n gură, ca să nu ne fie frig la iarnă?

Totuși, fiți cu băgare de seamă, dragi compatrioți, dacă aveți de gând să vă întoarceți cu spatele la danjarmi, fiindcă „Jandarmeria este atentă la toate mesajele care circulă și se propagă în mediul online.” Normal că stau smardoii în uniformă ai lui Dragnea (a nu se confunda cu smardoi fără uniformă a lui Dragnea, băețașii ăia cu cefe groase, pe care i-ați văzut însoțindu-l prin tribunale) la pândă, doar nu sunt ei urmașii fostei Securități? Nu sunt ei obișnuiți să tragă cu ochiul și cu urechea și, dacă enteresul Partidului o cere, să mai tragă și cu pulanul? Și, în caz că n-ați priceput cum stă treaba și tot mai aveți de gând să stați cu spatele la danjarmi, aflați că aceasta „este o opțiune personală prin care cetțenii se descalifică ca oameni, ca cetățeni și ca români”. Trecând peste cacofonia din text, care se putea evita dacă scribălăii care au scris comunicatul nu erau așa de obișnuiți să mănânce de dulce-n post, m-am întrebat: unde am mai auzit așa exprimare? Și într-un final mi-am adus aminte. La toate dictaturile fasciste din perioada interbelică. Numai atunci, dacă aveai o opțiune personală alta decât a Partidului, Statului și Fuhrerului (sau Ducelui, după caz) se numea că ești descalificat ca om, cetățean și patriot, și meritai să fii trimis în lagăr. Pentru că, ne zice tot comunicatul, „oamenii trebuie să știe că astfel de gesturi nu afectează Jandarmeria Română, în ultimă instanță, ci aduc o ofensă statului român.” Pe bune? Adică dacă stau eu cu spatele când trec danjarmii, statul român o să se simtă ofensat? Și ce-o să facă? N-o să mai construiască spitale, școli, grădinițe, autostrăzi, de supărare? Păi nu le-a construit nici până acum. Așa că p-asta cu ofensa, lăsați-o, bă-băieți, pentru cineva care chiar are demnitate și chiar merită să se simtă ofensat, nu pentru voi și statul degeaba.

Și, ca nu cumva să uităm la cine se află pâinea și cuțitul sau, mă rog, gazul și pulanul, danjarmii ne dau și un avertisment: „O astfel de sărbătoare nu trebuie denaturată în niciun fel, iar dacă sunt gesturi care depășesc normele legale și care presupun anumite derapaje vom lua toate măsurile legale care se impun pentru a fi trași la răspundere cei care săvârșesc astfel de fapte. De 1 decembrie vrem să purtăm ie și opinci și sărbătorim România.” Alo, păi stați așa, neică, aici e o contradicție: adică pe de o parte ne ameninați că, dacă stăm cu fundul la voi se cheamă că săvârșim „fapte” și veți lua măsurile legale (le știm, bătaie cu pulanul în cap, gaze la greu, pentru femei și copii, etc etc), dar pe de alta ziceți că vreți să purtați ie și opinci? Adică lăsați voi căștile alea mișto fără număr de înmatriculare, lăsați bocancii cu care ne-ați lovit așa fain în maxilare, lăsați costumele de țestoase, ca să veniți cu ie și opinci? Și atunci cu ce ne mai bateți, bre, cu nojițele?

Nu știu voi, dragi cititori, ce-o să faceți, dar eu, indiferent câte amenințări o să lanseze slugile lui Carmengaz, tot am să merg la defilare și tot am să stau cu spatele când vor defila ele. Să știți că nu o fac din aroganță, din dispreț față de autoritate sau din silă pentru niște sclaveți care l-ar bate și pe tac-so dacă le mai dă Dragnea o sută la leafă. Pur și simplu o fac de teamă. Păi când i-oi vedea defilând pe toți răducii și paraschivii despre care știu că mi-au scos ochii cu lacrimogene pe 10 august, cum m-aș putea uita eu la ei? Dimpotrivă, aș căuta să nu-i privesc, căci m-aș gândi, vă spun sincer: „Dacă se-apucă și scoate malacul butelia de gaz de sub ie și-mi frige un jet în față, ca astă vară, eu cum mă mai delectez diseară cu iahnie cu ciolan –  nu-mi distrug derbedeii toate papilele gustative cu lacrimogenele lor?”

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