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Pe domnul Ludovic Orban l-ați văzut, cu siguranță, mai zilele trecute, plimbându-se prin Sibiu cu o maimuță pe umăr, sub privirile amuzate ale localnicilor. Omul e popular, știe să se facă simpatic, e un politician născut, nu făcut, atâta doar că uneori mai dă cu bâta-n baltă și spune lucruri pe care poate, chiar dacă le gândește, n-ar trebui să le rostească în public. De pildă, nu știu dacă ați observat, dar el are ceva cu Dacian Cioloș, și nu de ieri, de azi. Mai deunăzi, la Digi24, domnul Orban a declarat că ”ar fi o decizie neinspirată din partea lui Cioloș să mai construiască un partid.” Cică o asemenea decizie ar fărâmița și mai mult dreapta.

Nu știu dacă o asemenea decizie ar fi neinspirată, dar cu siguranță declarația lui Orban sună ”ca dracu”, cum ar fi zis colegul lui, vajnicul liberal Petre Roman, la Revoluție. După umila mea părere, domnul Orban are din start o abordare greșită, crezând că Dreapta asta e un fel de tort pe care, dacă-l împarți în prea multe felii, riști să rămâi flămând. Adică și-a tăiat PNL o felie, pe urmă a venit și PDL să ia și el una și, tocmai când își uniseră ăștia doi mâncăi feliile și se pregăteau să înfulece și să devină toți grași și frumoși ca domnul Blaga, pac!, a venit Băsescu cu PMP-ul și și-a luat și el o felie, că felie rimează cu tărie, no? Pe urmă a venit și Nicușor Dan, să ia și el o felie, mică-mică, de poftă, pentru ăla micu. Iar acum, să vină și Cioloș și să mai taie o felie, deja i se pare prea mult domnului Orban.

Care crede că mult mai politicos din partea lui Dacian ar fi să se înscrie, frumușel, în PNL, însă nu ca să fie numit în vreo funcție importantă, nooo, ci să o ia de jos, eventual de la lipit afișe. Pentru că, avertizează domnul Orban, a trecut vremea ca ”stranierii” să primească pe nepusă masă foncții și grade în PNL. Să-mi fie cu iertare, domnule Orban, dar la PNL în ogradă e cam pustiu, n-a mai apărut un talent nou de la Brătianu II încoace. Că, dacă ați fi avut vreun talent liberal, de la mama lui, crescut la voi cum își crește Hagii mânjii la Academia de Fotbal din Constanța, acum el ar fi fost președintele României. Dar n-ați avut, așa că l-ați transferat urgent, în extrasezon, pe Klaus Iohannis, care v-a adus victoria în prelungiri. Că așa-i în viață: fotbalul și politica sunt sporturi în care joacă două echipe și câștigă întotdeauna nemții.

Și, la o adică, de ce să intre Cioloș în PNL? Ce-are el de împărțit cu mahării locali ai partidului, deveniți milionari din salarii de bugetari, ce-are el în comun cu niște tovi deghizați în domni, ca mai sus pomenitul Petrică Roman, care, până mai ieri, se băteau pe burtă cu pesediștii în USL, iar acum îi înjură de mama focului? Cioloș nu e din filmul ăsta, el e om cinstit, ar strica imaginea partidului, zău așa, deci nu-l mai chemați în PNL, domnule Orban, că n-o să vină. Ce să caute Cioloș în viermuiala aia de interese? Mai întâi alungați din partid corupții, penalii și mafioții, oferiți-i lui Cioloș și, mai ales, miniștrilor lui, precum inimosul Vlad Voiculescu, funcții importante în partid și veți vedea atunci cât va crește PNL. Dar să interzici accederea într-o funcție importantă într-un partid numit liberal a unui om doar pentru că e ”stranier” și n-a mâncat somonul fume și icrele negre ale exilului în Opoziție cot la cot cu baronii peneliști și pedeliști nu mi se pare, domnule Orban, o măsură prea liberală. Cum era aia cu laissez-faire? Păi ori suntem liberali, ori nu mai suntem?!

De asemenea, mi se pare total absurd să sugerezi unui om că ar fi bine să stea în banca lui și să nu se mai bage în politică, fiindcă deja s-a lățit PNL pe canapeaua dreptei și nu vrea s-o împartă cu nimeni când doarme prin Parlament. Mi se pare absurd pentru că pornește de la o premiză greșită, anume că electoratele sunt, la noi, mai bine delimitate ca emisferele terestre de Ecuator: aici e dreapta, aici e stânga, ăștia votează PNL, ăștialalții PSD. Domnul Orban ar trebui să-și aducă aminte că la ultimele alegeri n-au votat mai bine de jumătate dintre cetățenii români. De unde știe domnia sa că jumătatea aia care n-a votat deloc, nici cu PNL, nici cu PSD, n-ar vrea să voteze acum cu partidul nou al lui Cioloș? Ia priviți în Franța, ce victorie pentru un partid care acum un an nu exista decât pe hârtie. De ce n-ar fi și la noi la fel?

Așa că, domnule Orban, nu mai forțați uși deschise. Nu cu Cioloș trebuie să vă bateți acum, ci cu pesediștii. Și cu ăia îmbrăcați în roșu – sau cu nasul roșu, după caz – din preajma lui Dragnea, și cu ăia deghizați în galben, care vi se ascund prin partid. Pentru că vedeți, aici e buba, de-aia nu vă mai votează lumea: pentru că aveți în PNL prea mulți pesediști costumați în liberali. Și nu e de râs faptul că vă pozați cu maimuța pe un umăr, dragă domnule Orban, dar e de plâns că pe celălalt umăr țineți o haită întreagă de hiene, plus un ditamai stolul de papagali.

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