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Așa cum ați auzit cu toții aseară, printre dinții cariați aflați sub cea mai celebră mustață a țării, anul trecut, cam de Paște, caiafele și irozii globalizării au uneltit să ni-l asasineze pe Mesia de Teleorman și să ne lase fără Mânuitor. Pă concret, un reprezentant al complotului mondial împotriva Românicii a trimis patru asasini plătiți, să-l lichideze pe Liviu Dragnea, lăsând-o neconsolată pe juna Irinuca și încă și mai neconsolați pe viitorii lui colegi de cameră de la Jilava. Cum geniul popular românesc nu are limite, ne-a parvenit la redacție, direct din Teleorman, prima baladă dedicată acestui incident, care putea să se transforme în eveniment, dar, na!, așa avem noi noroc.

 

Pe-un picior de plai,

La doi pași de Splai,

Și alți doi de MAI,

Iată vin în cale,

În blugi și sandale,

Patru asasini,

De lovele plini

De Soroș plătiți

Și bine hrăniți.

Cu ordin precis

Dat oral și-n scris:

Ca să mi-l omoare

La apus de soare

Pe Liviu-cioban,

Că-i teleormănean

Și-are oi mai multe

Proaste și-ncrezute

Și porci deputați

Și câini mai turbați

Care latră, nene,

Seara la Antene.

Dar cea mioriță

Blondă, premieriță,

De trei zile-ncoace

Gura tot îi tace,

Prin concedii zace

Și tare-i mai place!

– Veorică laie,

Neuroni de oaie,

De trei zile-ncoace

Gura tot îți tace

Ori te-ai pus pe carte,

Ori tu ești pe moarte?

Zi, ești bolnăvioară,

Drăguță Veoară?

– Me-he-he! Me-he-he!

Drăguțule bace,

Dă-ți oile-ncoace

Adu-i și pe boi,

C-au votat cu noi.

Stăpâne, stăpâne,

Îți cheamă și-o javră

Gâdea sau Palavră

Sau ăla-n șpagat,

Că-i cel mai turbat.

Că-n sfârșitul zilei,

La „Sinteza silei”

Vor să mi te-omoare

Patru complotiști:

Killeri soroșiști

Cazați la hotel

Plini la portofel.

– Veorică, nană,

Nu ești zdravănă?

Și de-a fi să mor

La televizor,

Să spui lui Soroș

Al dreacu de moș

Ca să mă îngroape

Pe-aice, pe aproape

Pe mal la Belina,

Să fiu cu Irina,

Ori la Fortaleză

Cu tot cu proteză.

În țara de oi

Pavieni și boi

Să fiu tot cu voi.

În dosul Belinii

Să-mi aud toți câinii.

Așa să le spui,

Iar la cap să-mi pui

Fluieraș de fag

Banul mi-a fost drag

Fluieraș de os

Și-am furat vârtos

Fluieraș de soc

N-am avut noroc!

Vântul când o bate

Prin ele-a răzbate

Și-o să se audă

Vâjâind și-n Lună

Doar două cuvinte

Să mă țineți minte

Când nu m-oți mai vede:

MUIE PESEDE!

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